The Situation Diffusion
by TerribleWaitress
Summary: Some things don't conclude the way you expect them to, and Leonard and Penny learned this the hard way - but they also learn that 'dealing with it' doesn't mean something is dealt with, and time neither heals wounds nor erases feelings. Strays in a different direction from a canon plot which will be revealed further along.
1. Prologue

**A/N - I'm not entirely sure how this idea came about in my mind, but when I'm sick, I write. So I have quite a bit of this already written and basically the whole story mapped out in my mind. While I'm speeding ahead, I thought I'd publish the prologue tonight - partially because, why not, and also because I reached 100 posts on FanForum and get to use my molecules avatar on there (it's the small things!). I'll update this in accordance to how much is written - I'll keep myself 2/3 chapters ahead of what's published :) Things will be kept fairly ambiguous for a couple of chapters at least. Hope you enjoy, as always reviews are very much welcome :) **

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_**Prologue: **"Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice." (Once, the Musical) _

There was no shadow of a doubt who those dark curls belonged to.

Pushing the door open, Penny's legs carried her automatically away from the back entrance of the theater and towards the all too familiar beige jacket. Her mind had lost its ability to think, not even attempting to comprehend why he was even here in the first place. He simply was, and that was all she needed. Her strong desire to get home and go to bed was gone, replaced by the consuming need to speak to him. As she got closer to him, she cleared her throat and released the grip on her jacket sleeves, which she'd been gripping in anticipation.

"Leonard."

Voice all too recognizable, he spun around. "Penny?"

"Hey," she smiled. Her heart fluttered. How she had missed that face. The way his eyes looked at her. His voice.

"Hey," he repeated. She was just as beautiful as he remembered her. It hadn't been incredibly long, but still, it felt like much longer. To him, it was too long.

"I... what are you doing here?"

"Trying to work out which way I'm supposed to go for the nearest subway station." He held his phone up to her quickly.

"They call it the tube here, and it's left and then left again... but what are you doing _here_?"

"Oh. Umm, I was meeting my boss for dinner to make plans. I was passing by the theater on my way and I saw your name on the list, and you were in one of the pictures outside, so... I bought a ticket to see if it really was you. It was you, so that was good - it was surreal seeing you up there, but you were great. And then I couldn't work out which way I was meant to go and... now I'm here. Talking to you." He chuckled, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm here, talking to you."

"Me neither." Penny giggled lightly, the sound like music to his ears. "I was going to suggest we have dinner but I guess you already ate, and it's probably a little... weird."

"No, no, it's fine." Leonard paused for a moment, contemplating his options. He didn't want to simply say goodbye here and leave it at that, but at the same time, he didn't want to impose on her. "Do you want to... get some coffee, or something?"

"That would be nice," Penny nodded slowly. "Uh, it's only, like, a ten minute ride in the cab to where I'm staying, and there's a tube station near mine. If you wanted to come over... you don't have to."

"Oh, umm, sure. Yeah, I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 1: Apartment 28

_**Chapter 1 - Apartment 28: **"We've still got time." _

Switching on the light as they stepped into Penny's apartment, which had a brass '28' on it's front door and was situated on the second floor, she turned to look apologetically at Leonard. "I'm sorry, it's a bit... messy."

"That's okay," he shrugged, following her down the narrow hallway, which was lined with her shoes. He watched as she paused to kick off her red ballerina pumps, and he stepped out of his own shoes behind her.

Turning right, they emerged through a door into the living room. "Uh, just make yourself at home." She gestured to the couch before dropping her jacket and bag to the floor. "Tea or coffee?"

"Coffee, please."

"Good, because I don't really have any tea." Penny confessed, before heading through a door opposite to the one they'd come in through.

Shrugging off his jacket, Leonard looked around as he headed towards the couch. It was... small. And not very... it was a definite step back from her apartment in Pasadena, to say the least. Sitting down, he placed his jacket neatly over the arm of the couch, though he really could have just tossed it anywhere and it wouldn't have made a difference. He put his bag at the side of the couch and then took the room in. There were bills, magazines and empty coffee mugs decorating the coffee table in front of him. A few DVDs surrounded the television, and to the right of it was a clotheshorse drying neatly laid out clothes and underwear. He assumed the building didn't have a laundry room, and her apartment didn't have a dryer. At the far right end of the room was a small wooden dining table with two chairs, littered with more magazines, a few books, and more mugs.

"Yeah, okay, it's more of a total dump than just a bit messy," Penny admitted with a nervous chuckle as she walked back in, two mugs of coffee in her hands. Placing them down on the coffee table, she gave him a small smile. "I guess I haven't changed at all. But hey, at least I do my laundry! Wanna see the rest of this place while the coffee cools down a little?"

"Oh, sure," Leonard nodded, standing from the couch.

"There's not much to it," Penny said, as they headed back out of the living room, and through the door directly opposite, which found them immediately in her bedroom. "This is my bedroom."

"It's... nice." He said, for lack of better words, coming to stand next to her to get a proper view.

"Umm, not really," Penny shrugged, "but you know... it does its job. I do miss my comforter back in Pasadena though." She traced one of the flowers on her duvet, before noticing her chew toy (she was never going to forget that name) laying on the side of the bed that she usually slept on and wasn't covered by the duvet. Hastily, she grabbed a pillow and threw it on top of it. In her defense, she hadn't been expecting visitors - least of all, Leonard. Heck, there hadn't even been a _guy _in the apartment since she'd moved in, aside from the guy who'd come in to set up the internet. "I don't get why duvets are such a big deal here," she said quickly, hoping he'd noticed neither chew toy nor blush on her face.

Leonard pretended not to notice. "Yeah. Comforters are better." He looked around the room to divert his attention. There wasn't much to it; the beige walls were bare, spare from a Hello Kitty calendar hanging by a door, which he assumed led to the bathroom, and a small framed painting of a flower. A small wardrobe stood next to a dresser, both overflowing with clothes, which spilled out to the floor, in the corner to the left of the bedroom door. Her pink laptop sat on the bedside table closest to them (he always wondered how it hadn't broken yet) besides a blue nightlight. The bedside table between the wall and her bed on the far side accommodated another nightlight and a large picture frame, where he could make out a collage of pictures. "Mind if I take a look at the pictures?"

"What? Oh, yeah, of course, go ahead." Penny nodded. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."

He nodded back, and watched as she went through the other door (confirming his assumption that it was the bathroom door) before following and going to perch on the edge of her bed, by her pillow. He picked up the photo frame and smiled. It was a collage of photos with familiar faces. Bernadette, Amy, her parents, friends from work and college, even a few with Howard, Raj and Sheldon.

But what struck him most and caught his attention was the picture in the middle. It was the only one that hadn't been cut out, it's edges surrounded by the rest of the photos in the frame which had been cut to just show the people in them.

This central photo was of himself and Penny. It had been taken at one of their small group gatherings that Sheldon would refuse to characterize as a 'party'. He could tell because she was wearing a black dress but no shoes - those could be seen in the corner of the photo; she'd always take them off when they weren't out. They were facing each other, her eyes closed and a small smile on her face as he kissed her forehead. He had one hand holding her waist, the other in her hair. Penny had one hand on his chest, the other up around his neck, fingers lightly tangled in his curls. He couldn't remember the photograph being taken, but he could remember the moment perfectly. They had been dancing together, and then she'd whispered that she couldn't wait until it was just the two of them again.

Shaken from his thoughts, Leonard looked up as he heard his name being called from behind the closed door. "Leonard? You wanna come see the bathroom?"

Brow raised, he placed the frame back. "Umm, are you still using it?"

She opened the door, giggling. "No, I was just drying my hands then."

"Oh, alright." He stood up, and followed her into the bathroom. Instantly he was drawn to the products on the edge of the bath, leaning against the wall. "Star Wars shower gel!" Leonard grinned at her, his eyes lighting up. "Ah, and Hello Kitty bubble bath. Of course."

"Yup, I saw them in the store and just had to buy them. It's like a little bit of home is here with me." She smiled, before turning to him. "Well, this is all there is too it. It's not much, but it's..." Penny trailed off, before she remembered something. "Oh, I haven't shown you the kitchen!"

Although he doubted it was particularly interesting, he accepted her enthusiasm and followed her back through the bedroom, across the hall, through the living room and into the kitchen. Again, it was small, but to his astonishment it was a lot tidier than the rest of the apartment. He spotted a washing machine, but no tumble drier, so guessed his earlier assumption about the lack of laundry room was correct.

"I drink almond milk now," she explained, opening the fridge to show him the cartons. Closing it, she looked around the kitchen. "And I actually have in-date stuff in my cupboards, since I don't have anyone to smooch takeaways off of."

Chuckling slightly at this, he nodded. "Well, that's good that you have edible food in your cupboards."

"You want anything?" She asked, opening one of the cupboards and pulling out a packet of cookies. "These go good with coffee."

"Yeah, those look good."

They headed back through to the living room, sitting down on the couch and picking up their coffees. They both sat quietly for a moment, sipping their drinks, before Penny reached for a cookie. "So, did you like the play?"

"Oh! Yeah, yeah, it was really great. Really funny; I laughed a lot. Which probably looked stupid since I was sitting on my own, but still." Leonard took another sip of his coffee after an awkward laugh, before looking up at her. "And you were awesome too, Penny. It was one of your lines, near the end, that made me laugh the most. You were so good. And that costume looks really good on you."

"Aw, thanks." Penny blushed a little. "I'm not the main part, but... it's fun. Thank you."

"I got a program too - well, actually, I asked for a playbill, but they got what I meant. Anyway, it was seriously cool to see your name in there, and your little picture. It's just in my bag." Leonard grinned at her. "I'm so proud of you."

"Oh, thank you." Again, Penny blushed, tilting her head to the side slightly. "You know, you're the first one who... who came to see the show, for _me_. And I know you didn't know about it, and just came across it, but… you said you saw it because you saw my name there, and nobody's ever done that." Her eyes held his as a silence washed over him, neither of them moving, a million thoughts running through their minds. Eventually, she cleared her throat. "So, that's... that's really nice."

"Well, you know, as soon as I saw that you were in it, I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see you acting. I… I always thought…" Leonard sighed, shaking his head a little. "It was just great to see you doing what you love. I really am _so _proud of you, Penny."

"That's really sweet, Leonard. I'm glad you stumbled across it."

"Me too." Leonard finished the last few sips of his coffee, before placing the mug back down on the coffee table. "Are you in tomorrow?"

"No, no show on Sunday." Penny shook her head.

"Okay, good. I was getting kinda worried that I was keeping you up and you'd be tired tomorrow. According to the usher, you did two shows today."

"Oh, no, even if I had to work tomorrow, I wouldn't mind." Penny assured him. "Even when we've got a two show day, I only really need to be up around midday anyway."

"Ah, so it fits with your love for sleep." Leonard chuckled.

"It really does!" Penny agreed. "Living close by helps too. The tube station is literally two blocks... streets... down and the taxis can go in the bus lanes so I beat the traffic if I use those. Sometimes I walk if I feel up to it."

"Seems like a pretty good location." Leonard nodded approvingly.

"Uh-huh, it is. I mean, this place isn't exactly... _great_, but, it's convenient, and it's all I can really afford, so, yeah." She gave him a small smile. "It's not so bad. I mean, it's London, I can't really complain too much I suppose."

"And you're... you're okay with the bills, and stuff?" Leonard asked cautiously, unable to help the concern, worry and need to help that came up whenever Penny spoke about money.

"Oh, yeah!" Penny nodded quickly. "Yeah, for once I can actually pay those. I mean, it doesn't leave me with as much left over as I always imagined it would, but it's not so bad. I can still buy food, and go to the gym, and buy clothes and shoes if I'm careful."

"Alright, that's good then. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound-"

"Leonard, it's fine, I know you worry about these things." Penny assured him with a small shrug. "And Daddy's paying for my apartment in Pasadena while I'm gone. But if I renew my contract this year, I'm going to have to either pay for it myself or sell it."

"Oh. Well I guess that's a fair deal." Leonard said, thankful for reasons he couldn't explain that she had kept the apartment, even it was only for now. "Do you still speak to anyone in Pasadena?"

Sadly, Penny shook her head. "Not really. Every so often the girls ask how I'm doing and say 'we all miss you' but... that's about it. Do you?"

"I don't either. Sheldon emails once a month, per the roommate agreement, to keep me updated. The guys sometimes send me a message to ask how it's going."

Silence passed over them until Penny said, "things changed quickly."

"That they did."


	3. Chapter 2: Closer

_**Chapter 2 - Closer: **"Moods that take me, and erase me." _

Taking a shaky breath, Penny stood, picking up both coffee mugs. "I guess we both owe each other explanations," she said quietly, before heading through to the kitchen.

Leonard waited where he was on the couch, hearing the taps switch on. Unsure of if he should follow her or not, he simply sat there, helping himself to a cookie. Once more, he looked around the living room, trying to accept that this was where she was living, and judging by the amount of stuff, had been living for a while. He leaned forwards slightly, trying to read the dates on the magazines to see if he could work out just _how _long she had been living here, not moving any of them around in case she noticed and thought he was being nosy.

"You okay?" Penny asked as she came back in, raising a brow when she found him leaning forwards, his brow furrowed.

"Huh?" He looked up quickly, before sitting properly again. "Oh, yeah, I was just seeing what magazines you had here."

Penny shrugged. "Just gossip ones, as usual. I keep the good ones in my bedroom." She blushed slightly before adding "and by that, I mean Vogue."

Chuckling, he nodded and stood. "Sure. Mind if I use your bathroom?"

"Go ahead." Penny smiled, gesturing to the door.

Watching him leave, Penny's head fell forwards, and she found herself staring anxiously at her feet. It was getting late. Should she ask if he wanted to stay? Was that too forward? She wanted to talk to him, but at the same time she didn't want to talk about it, because she _hated _talking about it. Yet at the same time, she _needed _to talk about it. _They _needed to talk about it. Sighing, she shuffled through to the bedroom, deciding to wait for him in there. In any case, she needed to charge her phone, and her phone charger was by her bed. Walking over to the bedside table nearest the door, she sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, her mind still trying to work out what she was meant to do. Shaking her head, she stood back up, leaning forward to pick up the end of the charging cable to connect to her phone.

Unable to help himself, Leonard grinned at the sight of Penny bent forward, her perfect ass practically on display in those light blue jeans. Realizing she was standing back up, he quickly cleared his throat and looked away, his eyes briefly flickering to the picture he'd been looking at earlier, landing finally on his freshly-washed hands. The soap by the sink was coconut, and the scent reminded him of the body moisturizer she used back in Pasadena.

Before he could allow his mind to wander any further, he blurted out "I should probably go, it's getting late."

"Oh," was all Penny could respond with. For a moment she simply stared at him, disappointment written all over her face, before she kicked back into gear. "Where are you staying?"

"Uh, at a hotel, it's about twenty minutes from the theater by sub-I mean tube- on the... hold on, here," digging into his pocket, he pulled out a small slip of paper on which he'd jotted down how to get to the diner he'd been at earlier, near her theater.

Studying his notes quickly, she smiled slightly at the same messy handwriting she had become accustomed to as his neighbor, friend and girlfriend. The same writing which would jot notes for her such as 'out of coffee, borrowed yours', or 'be ready to go out for dinner at 6, love you x' - things she could still remember looking at now. The fact that this piece of paper with his handwriting said neither of those things jolted her back to the present, and she shook her head. "That's the other end of the city to me."

"Right." That didn't help him much... in the slightest.

"You could get the tube," Penny began, before checking the time on her phone and frowning, "or not, since the last one was two minutes ago. Sorry." She offered him a meek, apologetic shrug. "But you can try calling a cab?"

"Yeah, I probably should."

"Or you could stay here." The words fell from Penny's mouth without her realizing that they had even done so. But she didn't back down, deciding that if she'd put the offer on the table, she may as well keep it there.

"I..." Leonard hesitated for a moment, unsure if this was really the best idea. It was convenient; he didn't particularly want to be travelling alone in the dark, it was late, and most of all - he was really enjoying her company. "Alright, yeah. That sounds great."

"Great!" _Whoa, I need to calm down a little_. "I'll sleep on the couch, you can stay here, I'll just get you some clean sheets and stuff."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that, it's fine."

"Okay, well, I'll get you some fresh towels. They're just in the bathroom." Walking past him, she went to fetch them from the bottom shelf of the cabinet. He'd followed her in, so she handed them over and gestured to the shower. "The switch is the other way to the little pictures on the taps - the one that shows shower is actually the bath, and the bath one is actually the shower. The hot water takes a few seconds to come through so don't get in the shower straight away."

"Okay, thanks."

"No problem. I'm gonna leave you to it then, let me know when you're done."

With that, she headed out, shutting the door behind her. It felt slightly surreal - for so long she hadn't seen him, or spoken to him, and now within a few hours of seeing him again he was staying over. What felt even weirder was how... civil this was. The last time she'd seen him, they would have showered together, and then cuddled up in bed, warm beneath her comforter with his arms around her. Things she missed dearly. Releasing a heavy sigh, she pulled open the drawer beneath her bed, grabbing a sheet and two blankets. She had no spare pillows, so would have to make do with the cushions from the couch. Dumping the stuff onto the couch, she headed back into the bedroom to collect her pajamas from her bed.

About to leave to go get changed in the living room, she gasped as she remembered her chew toy in the bed. He definitely didn't need to be finding that as he went to sleep. Grabbing it, she looked around her room before shoving it into her underwear drawer. For a moment she listened to the shower run, before shaking her head abruptly and leaving to go back to the living room. Absent-mindedly, she got out of her clothes and into her pajamas, before laying the sheet across the couch and re-arranging the cushions, before laying the blankets out so she could get under them once she had washed up. It wasn't going to be particularly comfortable, but it would do for the night. Pacing around nervously, she decided to tidy up a little, stacking her magazines neatly and taking the empty mugs through to the kitchen to wash up at some point.

"Hey, I'm done," Leonard popped his head round the living room door, immediately trying to distract his mind from how great she looked in her pink pajama shorts and camisole.

"Great." Penny nodded slowly, her eyes wandering over his topless torso and boxer shorts. What happened to his white t-shirt? Did he purposefully decide not to wear it? She remembered then that he only wore his white t-shirt in bed, and it was highly unlikely that he'd carry it around with him. Following him back through the bedroom, she glanced at the bed, wishing she'd thought to at least make the bed a little, rather than leave the covers in a twisted mess and one of the pillows in the middle of the bed. "Sorry, I should have tidied up the bed for you."

"Don't worry about it."

"Okay, if you're sure. I'll just go wash up."

Closing the bathroom door behind her, Penny took a deep breath as she headed over to the sink. Apparently the cat just never died. Shaking her head, she pulled out a make-up wipe, wishing she didn't feel so suddenly self-conscious of Leonard seeing her without her face made up. He'd seen her like this plenty of times before, but now it felt so... revealing. Well, not as revealing as her pajamas and his decision not to wear a t-shirt, she thought, as she caught sight of her top half in the mirror. With a slightly guilty smirk, she set about washing her face and brushing her teeth. She took another deep breath before opening the bathroom door, her breath instantly catching at the sight of Leonard in her bed, topless.

"Oh! Hey." She bit her lip. "You look comfortable."

"Yeah," he grinned, "I am."

"That's good." Rubbing her hands together, she stood awkwardly for a moment. "I'm just gonna grab my phone quickly." Walking round to collect it, she paused to switch on the nightlight for him, before stopping at the door on her way out. "I'll switch off the main light for you so you don't have to get out of bed when you want to go to sleep."

"Aw, thank you." Leonard grinned, tilting his head up slightly; the grin that Penny always found incredibly adorable.

"You're welcome." She gave a small nod, before returning a warm smile. "Goodnight, Leonard."

"G'night, Penny."

Trudging back to the living room, Penny sighed as she shut off the light and made her way over to the couch with the light of her phone to see where she was going. She lay down, pulling the blankets up to her chin, staring at the ceiling. It was colder in here, and the couch wasn't comfortable. The cushions weren't as soft and there was no room to spread out. All she could think about was how much more warm and comfortable she'd be cuddled up in bed with Leonard. Closing her eyes, she tried to distract her mind. Running her lines through her mind, listing the stations she passed on her tube journey from her apartment to work, thinking about what groceries she needed to buy over the week.

None of it worked.

Groaning, she flung the blankets off her body, and stood up to begin pacing. Maybe if she kept walking she'd exhaust herself and she'd be forced to fall asleep and stop thinking about Leonard. If she'd anticipated seeing Leonard today, or him staying over, she wouldn't have had so much coffee throughout the day. Acting was tiring, both mentally and physically, but not tiring enough for this situation. There were too many emotions running through her right now, fuelling her with energy that she wished would go away. She wondered if Leonard was going through the same right now, or if he was just going to sleep. _Probably not, _she thought to herself with a giggle, he was the one who was always overthinking things, this was probably driving him crazy. Though she couldn't know that for sure, he might be a lot more cool about these things now. _Unlike me, _she rolled her eyes, as she sat down and drummed her fingers on her thighs.

No, this absolutely wasn't working.

Penny stood as though hit by a volt of electricity. Her legs carried her out of the living room, and she knew her heart was leading her. Stopping outside the bedroom door, she hesitated slightly, but didn't stop herself from knocking lightly. Sheldon had been right all those years ago - it _was _weird knocking on your own door. "Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

Opening the door slightly, she peeked inside. "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure, it's your room, after all."

"I know, but I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you." Penny explained, stepping inside and closing the door again. He was still sat up in bed, and he put his phone down onto the bedside table as she came in.

As she stood there, Penny realized that she had no idea what to say or do now. Leonard simply watched as her mouth opened and closed a few times.

"Are you okay?" He asked after a moment, when she still hadn't said anything.

"What?" Penny blinked. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm..." Her shoulders slouched over as she released a breath that seemed to deflate her. "I couldn't sleep."

"Well it's only been like... five minutes."

"I know, but," Penny shifted her weight impatiently, "I just feel really awake, you know?"

Leonard sighed and nodded slowly. "Yeah... yeah, I know." He frowned, before shuffling over in the bed slightly and pulling back a corner of the covers, lightly patting at the empty space beside him, inviting her to join him.

Penny smiled. Something else that was odd: being invited into your own bed. Hoping her heart rate would slow down, she sat gently down on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs up and nestling them beneath the covers. Automatically, he put an arm around her, and she leaned her head against his chest. It calmed her to find that his heart was also going a few paces faster than usual.

For a few minutes, they simply sat like this, in silence, finally comfortable. At one point, she draped her arm over his stomach, deciding she much preferred him without the t-shirt. His hand began to draw small patterns on her arm, and Penny realized that this moment itself was the happiest she had felt since they'd last been like this, in his bed in Pasadena.

Penny lifted her head slightly to look up at him, and Leonard's eyes immediately found hers. Her lips curled into a little smile, and he pressed his lips lightly to her forehead, closing his eyes. Humming a contented "mm", her eyes fluttered closed.

When their lips met, neither knew who had initiated the kiss. But neither of them stopped it.


	4. Chapter 3: Honesty

**A/N - The start of this chapter is M-rated (not sorry, but there's a significant part in it anyway) (it's okay if you don't read it, I mention it in the non-M part) so I've put a line break after the M bit is over for those who would prefer to skip that. It's there for a reason :) Thank you all for the wonderful feedback so far, glad to see you're all enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it! **

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_**Chapter 3 - Honesty: **"Eyes that know me, and I can't go back." _

What had started off as a slow, soft kiss, quickly turned into a passionate, desire-fueled make-out. As they slowly lifted their top halves off the pillows to sit up properly, her hands slid up his arms, linking together behind his neck. His hands gently traced up from her waist, one stopping at her face to cup her cheek, the other continuing on to tangle in her hair. Lips eagerly parted to allow this kiss to deepen, tongues claiming each other's mouths, urging softs moans from both parties. It was intoxicating; the further they went, the more they wanted. Leonard's hands moved back down to her waist, and he gently pushed her onto her back, moving his body to hover over hers.

Pushing one knee between hers to spread her legs slightly and give himself leverage, Leonard held her hips as he leaned down to kiss her again. Penny's nails raked lightly down his chest, moving to caress the muscles in his arms before settling them on his back. His lips parted from hers to move to her neck, and she pushed her hips up to his as she felt his tongue graze against her skin. Ever since they'd learned how sensitive that particular part of her neck was, he never failed to use it to his advantage and her pleasure. As his teeth lightly nipped at her neck, a low moan escaped her, and he felt her fingernails dig into his back. He trailed his kisses down her neck, along her shoulder and collarbone, down to her chest. He went back up from there, meeting her lips as his hands began to push her camisole up. She lifted her body slightly so he could pull it off, and soon enough it was on the floor and his lips were back on her chest. Her fingers gripped at his curls, urging him on as his teeth and tongue worked at her breasts. She began to writhe beneath him, scraping at his scalp.

Once he began to work his way back up to her lips, she placed her hands on his shoulders and swiftly flipped them over, straddling him. His brows raised in surprise, and she grinned at him in response. Leonard placed his hands on her thighs, his fingers slipping just under the material of her shorts, and she placed her hands on his chest, leaning forward to plant a tiny kiss on his lips. Her lips then continued to travel down his neck, to his chest, where she slowly made her way over his skin. Her tongue joined the fray when she reached his stomach, and he groaned beneath her. Shifting her body down slightly, her lips and tongue continued their work until she reached the waistband of his boxers, where she stayed for a moment, her chest heaving into the hard body beneath her. She made her way back up to his mouth, grinding her hips into him as she placed her lips over his.

Keeping their lips locked, Leonard rolled them back over. As the kiss escalated, hands began to roam, his down her sides and hers down his chest. He slid his hands up from her thighs beneath her pajama shorts, and her fingers hooked over the waistband of his boxers. Removing his hands, he sat up, removing his own shorts, before returning his hands to her hips. She looked up at him, panting, as he slowly pushed the pajama shorts down her legs, alternating kisses on her thighs. Both final items of clothing now on the floor, he moved back up, kissing her softly, before pulling away again.

Leonard took her whole body in with adoration. His fingers traced over her face, through her hair and over her shoulders. They moved gently down her chest, over her breasts, down her abdomen and stomach; skimmed over her hips and massaged down her legs, before making his way back up again. The whole time her eyes stayed on him, absorbing his touch; the touch she had missed immensely.

Cupping her face with his hands, Leonard gave her a gentle kiss, before smiling at her. "You're beautiful."

A fresh blush spread over her cheeks, and she linked her fingers behind his neck, meeting his lips with hers. "I love you, Leonard." Penny's eyes stayed steadily on his, their foreheads touching, hot breath mingling between them. It didn't matter to her that they had gone so long with seeing each other before she said those words; he deserved to know, to understand that even after what happened, she still felt that way about him.

Kissing her fully, deeply on the mouth, Leonard held her bottom lip between his before returning, "I love you too, Penny."

Their lips crashed together, the relief of letting each other hear those three words bringing in a new wave of desire. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he placed one arm beneath her, holding her and supporting his weight in one. The other hand moved to grip her thigh as he pushed into her.

They both groaned in relief as he filled her. Leonard moved slowly at first, as they allowed the familiarity to come flooding back, and the indulgence of finally being with each other, this intimately, again. Penny's fingers found their way into his hair once more, tugging at his curls, and one hand scratched pleasantly down his back to grip at his ass. Moaning into each other through lazy but desperate kisses, the pace quickly increased, the build up need for release escalating fast.

"Oh God," Penny breathed, a low moan coming from her throat as his hand brushed up her thigh, landing on her ass, his lips moving to suck at her neck, "Leonard, mmh."

As she swiveled her hips into him and dug her heels into his back, he grunted. "Uh, Penny," he released a long moan as her lips moved to suck lightly on his earlobe.

Moving his hand from her ass, Leonard trailed a finger from her bottom lip, down between her breasts and over her stomach, slipping his hand between them where their bodies met. She yelped in surprise, throwing her head back. "Oh, Leonard, _yes_!" Penny moaned uncontrollably as his fingers worked at her sensitive spot, remembering exactly what worked on her. She pushed herself into his hand, throwing her head forward to bite into his shoulder. "God, yes, oh baby I'm so close, oh _God_!"

The feeling of her teeth sinking into his skin caused him to grunt and moan loudly, her name falling from his lips as he moved them over her skin. As their lips regained contact, he removed his hand, moving it back round to her ass, pressing her further onto him. His desperate need for release grew stronger, and he could tell she was close too, so he upped his game, thrusting into her harder and faster. Before long they were all but yelling each others names, planting lazy kisses on each others lips in between, sweat mingling and dripping from their bodies.

"Oh God," Penny moaned, feeling herself tightening around him, "oh, fuck, Leonard, mm baby-" Her words were cut short as he slammed hard into her, biting at her neck. She screamed his name as she came, gripping onto him, her entire body tight around his.

This prompted Leonard to come too, and not long after he was yelling her name too as she throbbed around him, pulling him with her into a blissful state they'd missed for so long.

* * *

He dropped his forehead to hers, and they exchanged short, sweet kisses as they came down from their high. A few minutes later, he rolled off of her and onto his side, and she turned onto her side too to face him.

"That was amazing." Penny stated, her voice a little above a whisper, a smile on her face.

"I know," Leonard smiled back at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, before letting his hand rest on her hip. With his other hand, he pulled the covers back up over their naked bodies.

Bringing one hand up to rest on his arm, Penny sighed. "I've missed this," she admitted, her voice faltering slightly. When she raised her head to look at him, he saw tears lining her eyes.

"Hey," he said softly, his hand drifting up from her hip to her chin. "I've missed this too. A lot." He smiled sadly. "I've missed _you _a lot."

Grasping his hand with hers, Penny sniffled. "I've missed you a lot too, Leonard."

"Penny, I've missed you too..." Leonard ran his thumb along her jaw, sighing. "Come here." Shifting his body, he turned so he was leaning his back against the pillows, and she moved with him to rest her head on his chest. Trying to lighten the mood, he laughed slightly as a memory filled his mind. "D'you remember that time we broke the bed?"

This made Penny giggle. She was grateful for the distraction; she wanted to savor the intimacy, allow herself and him to just be happy, in the moment, rather than begin talking about the past and get upset. "Yup! I always felt a little sorry for the people in 3B. They always gave me funny looks whenever I passed them in the lobby."

"Yeah... poor 3B."

"Guess Sheldon had it worse." Penny bit her lip. "That poor Whackadoodle."

"Well, he survived," Leonard chuckled.

"Thankfully this apartment is at the end of the block, so no neighbors got disturbed just now. Not too sure about the people in 18. Bet they got a nice surprise there. Oh, well!" _First time for everything, _Penny thought. "I met the people in 18 back when I moved in. They seemed nice, I'm sure they can forgive me for this. Though I've never heard anything from 38, and they seemed quite rowdy in the elevator, so maybe these floors are nice and soundproof."

"That's very analytical of you," Leonard observed.

"Shut up." Penny rolled her eyes.

Laughing, he kissed her hair. "So, your British accent is pretty good."

"Well, I had a lot of practice." Penny grinned. "It's annoying because they all speak _so differently_, so in the end I gave up and had a few lessons with a dialect coach."

"Paid off, it's _way _better than it used to be." Leonard teased.

"Come on, it was _not _that bad! You said it was alright before!" Penny pointed out, her voice high, as it always went when she was defending herself.

"That was a guess, I was focusing more on what your mouth was _doing _rather than _saying_. Just knowing you were doing the accent was enough."

"Ugh," Penny tapped his chest, mocking offence, "whatever. I thought doing that accent in bed after that movie would do something for you."

"You didn't even _notice _when I did the accent!"

"Hey, I was too busy focusing on-" Penny stopped, before jutting her jaw out in defeat. "Alright, I get your point now."

"You could always do your accent now." Leonard suggested with a grin.

"No, you already heard it earlier!"

"Yeah, as your _character_. That's different."

"You still heard me. I think you should do it."

"No... I don't think that's a good idea."

"You're right," Penny nodded, "you probably sound like Ross when he did it in his lecture in _Friends_."

"Okay, it's not as bad as that."

"Prove it then."

Becoming shy, Leonard paused before answering with a quiet "no."

"Yup, that's what I thought." Penny winked, nuzzling her head into his neck and wrapping an arm over his stomach. "Mm. You used my Star Wars shower gel."

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

"Uh-huh," Penny replied sleepily, the tiredness of the day setting in along with the exhaustion, a consequence from their recent activities. All the awkwardness and nervousness she had been feeling earlier were blanketed by the complete comfort she felt right now in his arms. She had craved this for so long, and now that she had it, it felt wonderful; she didn't want to let this go.

"Too bad you didn't have the matching shampoo and conditioner."

"You're such a nerd." Penny muttered, closing her eyes as he traced patterns on her arm. This. It was this that she missed the most. The closeness and intimacy they shared that came so naturally to them both. Nothing could take that away from them.

"Says the one who bought and uses Star Wars shower gel. And I saw the case for Babylon 5 by your TV."

"Oh." Penny sighed. "Oh well."

Impressed that she hadn't even tried to defend why she had _Babylon 5_, Leonard emitted a low chuckle. Glancing down slightly, he saw that she had closed her eyes. He had sort of figured that after that, they'd end up falling asleep here together, but it still took him a moment to process that it was actually happening.

So, perhaps tonight they weren't going to talk about what had happened in the past, and catch each other up on their lives. Maybe they weren't going to talk about the honest 'I love you' that had fallen from both of their mouths earlier. And for Leonard and Penny, in that moment, they could deal with that. In their warm embrace, knowing the other was going to still be there when they awoke, that was enough. Words took time, truthful conversations took energy, and longed-for reunions took trust and comfort.

Reaching over, Leonard shut off the night light on Penny's side, before extending his arm to shut off the one on his side. "Goodnight, Penny," he whispered quietly, placing a kiss in her hair. God, it felt so good to say those words again, with her in his arms.

"Night, Leonard."

And for the first time since moving in, Penny fell asleep with ease, comfortable in her own bed at last.


	5. Chapter 4: Room 82

_**Chapter 4 - Room 82: **"Words fall through me, and always fool me." _

Blinking her eyes open slowly, the first thing Penny noticed was how comfortable she was. Her mind instantly recognized the feel of Leonard's body against hers, and she smiled as the sleep started to leave her and she could acknowledge her current situation. At some point in their sleep, they'd turned so he was spooning her from behind. One of his hands was draped over her waist, resting on her stomach. Since she couldn't feel the other one, she guessed that it was under his head, like it usually would be. One of her hands was under her chin, the other was linked with Leonard's. His breath lightly tickled her neck, and her legs were tucked between his.

This was how she wanted to wake up every morning.

It was exactly how she'd hoped to wake up, every single morning since she had last seen him, only it felt a million times better.

Shuffling her body against his, she let out a soft hum of satisfaction. "Leonard, you awake?" She asked quietly, not wanting to wake him, but not wanting to miss out on time if he was already awake.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, clearing his throat slightly. "Yeah. Kinda."

"Sorry." Penny giggled softly to herself. "You wanna go back to sleep?"

"Nah."

"Okay. Good, because I need to pee, and I didn't want to disturb you." Sitting up slowly, she kept the duvet over her legs as she leaned forward to find an item of clothing to pull on. It was the advantage of having a messy apartment - she found her pink robe on the floor from where she'd taken it off the morning before. Pulling it on, she tied the belt before standing.

Watching her go, Leonard shook his head. He probably shouldn't be staring. Sitting up, he picked up his t-shirt from the neat pile of his clothes he'd placed on the floor beside the bed, and shoved it on over his head. His boxers... they were somewhere. Standing, he stretched quickly, before walking to the foot of the bed and looking around her room, trying to locate what he was searching for. He was still in slight disbelief that he was actually here, in Penny's room, in London of all places. Spotting his boxers draped over her hair straighteners on the floor (she never listened when he told her to get a heat protective surface to put them on), he picked them up and pulled those on.

Now what? He wasn't entirely sure of the social protocol for this situation. However, he was a kind a house guest, and a good... sort-of-boyfriend-sort-of-ex-boyfriend, so he figured he could at least make them some coffee. Making his way back through the small apartment to the kitchen, he spotted the blankets and cushions Penny had given upon last night, and her phone on the coffee table. In the kitchen, he opened each cupboard until he located the coffee, switching on the kettle before grabbing two mugs. He located the teaspoons and added a large teaspoon of instant coffee, as instructed by the jar. He knew she always had two sugars, so he added those in too, and by then the water was ready. It was odd, not using a coffee machine, but he had gotten used to it himself and he supposed she had too.

"Mm, I smell coffee," Penny grinned, stepping into the kitchen. "You want some oatmeal with that for breakfast?"

"Sure, sounds good." Leonard nodded, passing her one of the mugs of coffee.

"Ah." Penny closed her eyes briefly as she inhaled the scent of the coffee. "Okay, oatmeal. You can just relax for a bit, it won't take long."

Cradling the hot mug between his hands, Leonard leaned against one of the counters and watched her get to work on the oatmeal. He had seen her make food many times before, but he always found her expression adorable as she concentrated on getting the right amounts of everything and mixing it up correctly. She stuck her tongue between her teeth as she added a few drops of vanilla, and pouted her lips together with a raised brow as she cooked it over the stove. Dividing it between two bowls, she handed one to him, grabbing two spoons, before they headed to the living room to sit at the dining table.

"Open University," Leonard read from one of the books there, looking up at her.

"Yeah. I wanted to continue doing my Psychology class over here. I finished the History one while I was still in Pasadena."

"Wow, that's great that you're still studying it. I guess you're enjoying it?"

"Definitely, it's really interesting. I'm progressing and doing higher level classes, so it's more difficult, but I'm really enjoying it. Oh and don't worry, I haven't been reading your mom's books for the course." Penny assured him with a slight smirk. "Though I do still have _that _book."

"It's not the worst one, so it's okay." Leonard shrugged. "I'm guessing with your job you don't have to waitress anymore."

"Oh, God no! And thank _God_. The day I handed in my uniform was... a fairly good day, considering. Anyway, it's been great not having to do that. I didn't realize just how much I disliked that job until I got here and experienced _not _waitressing."

They continued eating for a while in silence. Once he had finished, Leonard pushed his bowl forward slightly, and folded his arms in front of him. "Well, it seems like you're doing pretty great out here."

Penny moved her spoon around her empty bowl for a moment. "I guess so," she said, non-committedly, her eyes not meeting his. "I'm just gonna go wash these up."

Eyes following her as she stood and took their used mugs and bowls, Leonard's brow furrowed in concern, but decided not to question her further. "Alright."

Once she'd gone through to the kitchen, he stood up, heading to the bedroom to put the rest of his clothes on. Unsure of what to do next, he made the bed, fluffing up the pillows and arranging them neatly at the headboard.

"Whoa, best house guest award _ever_!" Penny beamed as she walked in.

"Oh, yeah, I didn't know what else to do." Leonard shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Sorry."

"Sorry? What for? But seriously, don't think about tidying the rest of this place, Hofstadter. I'm gonna take a shower, go watch TV or something."

"Cool, maybe I'll watch Babylon 5." Leonard grinned smugly.

Blushing, Penny rolled her eyes. "Shut up." Shaking her head at him, she turned on her heel to go to the bathroom.

Chuckling slightly to himself, Leonard made his way back to the living room. Picking up both remotes, he guessed the one with 'Sky' on it was for the television, since it had buttons for a TV Guide, and the other one looked like it belonged to the DVD player. Squinting in concentration, he scrolled through the first few channels, settling on Doctor Who, which, to his delight, had just started. Leaning back, he allowed himself to focus on the episode, and it was half-way through that Penny came in, this time clad in dark blue denim jeans and a grey sweater.

"Ah, you found something you like!" Penny noticed, before coming over and holding out his phone. "Here, you left this in the bedroom."

"Oh, thanks." He scrolled through the notifications quickly, which consisted of a few work-related emails. As she went over to check on her drying laundry, Leonard tapped his phone between his thumb and fourth finger, chewing anxiously on his lip, before standing abruptly. "Do you... want to come over and see the hotel I'm staying at? If we left soon we could have enough time before lunch, and they have a pretty great menu."

Glancing up from her laundry, a wide smile spread over Penny's face. "Yeah, that sounds fun."

"Alright, great." Leonard nodded, mostly to himself, not quite sure why he'd asked her, but sure that he _wanted _her to go with him. "I'll call for a taxi, then."

"Do you have a number?"

"Yeah, I saved the one my boss gave me to my phone." Leonard nodded.

"Okay, I'll just fold this laundry and get my bag."

As he stepped outside into the hallway to make the call, Penny hurriedly began folding her clean clothes, placing them in a pile beside the TV - that had somehow become the 'things to iron' spot, since she liked to watch TV whilst she undertook the chore. She knew that at this time of the day it wouldn't take long for the taxi to arrive, but she didn't want to instantly go get her stuff in case that seemed too eager. Leonard stepped inside and told her that the cab had been sent, and she told him he could continue watching Doctor Who while she picked up her bag from last night, taking it through to the bedroom.

Here, she began to panic slightly. Was he inviting her to _stay _overnight at the hotel with him, or just to come and see it? Should she pack clean underwear? Pajamas? Make-up? A toothbrush? No, surely not, she was just going to go over to his hotel and see what it was like - she hadn't stayed in a London hotel before, having crashed at a friends before moving into this apartment - and then they'd have lunch. She told herself that his invitation hadn't included 'staying over' - just because he had the night before, didn't mean he wanted her to stay at his. Penny groaned. Where had all her confidence gone? She knew she _wanted _to stay over, and she knew she was putting herself down, in a way unfamiliar to her yet unfortunately frequent nowadays. Shaking her head furiously, she mentally kicked herself. Heart racing, she snatched a pair of panties from her underwear drawer and shoved them in the bottom of her bag. Unless Leonard's hotel did thorough bag checks, nobody had to know. She quickly threw a few bits of make-up in too, which she thought didn't really need explaining, lots of people carried it around with them.

A gentle knock on the door announced Leonard. "Hey, the cab's here."

She nodded, and picked up her bag to follow him to the hallway. Backtracking a little, she grabbed her phone charger, just in case. Collecting her jacket from the living room floor, she slipped her shoes on, and he held the door open for her as they left.

The journey across the city was mostly quiet. Every so often she would point things out, such as landmarks or places she had visited, explaining to him what she could. He told her that he'd been to the Science Museum, and she admitted that she'd been there too - but had gone on her own, because she didn't know anybody else who wanted to go there. They discussed the various exhibits there, Leonard explaining the actual science behind them to her, and why they were significant. Soon enough, the taxi had pulled over in the taxi bay outside the hotel and told them how much it was.

Beginning to pull her purse out, Leonard held out a hand to her arm. "Don't worry, I'll get it," he said, pulling out his wallet and leafing through the notes. He paid the driver, leaving him a decent tip, before stepping out of the taxi and helping Penny out.

Looking up at the hotel, Penny nodded approvingly. "Wow, looks nice."

"Yeah, it's a pretty great hotel." Leonard said, guiding them in through the door just opened by the doorman.

"Doctor Hofstadter," the doorman nodded to him.

Raising a brow at him, Penny asked, "How long have you been here? Do _all _the staff know you?"

"Almost two weeks," Leonard replied, pressing the up button for the elevator. "And no."

"It's kinda weird using elevators together after all those years we had to walk up the stairs, right?" Penny giggled to herself, as they stepped inside. She tried not to think about how those two weeks were a fair amount of time in which she could have tried to get in contact with him… had she been able to, or known that he was here.

"Yup. It's odd, but sometimes I miss those stairs. They were like my exercise."

"It was great for when I couldn't afford the gym, I'd just walk up and down for like a half hour and then play boxing on your Wii."

"See, and you said making a character on there was pointless because you weren't going to use it!" Leonard accused.

"Yeah, well, I was wrong, okay." Penny rolled her eyes, grinning nonetheless, as their elevator arrived at Leonard's floor.

"So really, I pretty much paid for your 'gym' since you were using _our _Wii and games, for which I paid half of." Leonard pointed out.

Jutting her jaw out, Penny glared at him before her expression softened. "Yeah, alright, you kinda did."

Stopping outside a door labeled '82', Leonard pulled an electronic key card from his pocket. "This is your room? 82... ha, that's my door number backwards." Penny observed.

"Huh, so it is. I didn't even think of that." Leonard chuckled, letting them inside.

"Oh my _God _that bed is _huge_!" Penny gasped, her eyes wide, before she ran and flung herself onto the bed. "Why would you ever get out of this bed?!"

"Well, you know, the housekeeping team can't make the bed if I'm in it. And also, because I can't work from there. And I'm not quite comfortable with the idea of having meetings in my bed."

"Fair enough. Oh! Do you have one of those really cool hotel power showers with fancy ass jets in the tub?"

Leonard couldn't help but laugh; she was like a child at Christmas. "Umm, yeah, it has... fancy ass jets, I suppose."

Bounding off the bed, Penny made her way over to the bathroom, of which the door was open, switching on the light. "No _freakin' way _- that's a swimming pool, not a bath tub! Seriously how much are you _paying _for this room?"

"I don't pay for it, work does." Leonard shrugged. "And they pick out great hotels, as you can tell."

"Ugh, I'm jealous." Penny scoffed, leaving the bathroom.

Walking around the rest of the room, she stopped at the desk by the window. His laptop was there - a new one, she could tell - along with stacks of papers and various books. There were also two photographs. One was a group photo of the gang from Pasadena - she smiled, remembering that it had been taken on Howard's camera using self-timer. His arms were around her waist and her hands were on his chest. Amy and Sheldon stood smartly next to each other, Raj held Cinnamon, while Howard and Bernadette held hands, his dickie matching her cardigan.

The second photo she hadn't seen before. A few faces she recognized from the times Leonard had Skype'd her from the lab or common rooms on the ship of his first expedition, that she couldn't remember the names of. In the middle of them, Leonard and Stephen Hawking. Leonard had a massive grin on his face, dressed in a pair of black pants and a light blue shirt.

"You met Stephen Hawking? Oh my _God, _that's so cool!" Penny grinned, bending forward slightly to get a closer look, feeling incredibly proud of him. "When did you meet him?"

He'd never wanted to avoid answering a question so badly. Leonard hesitated for a moment, twiddling his thumbs together, before replying quietly, "that was at our welcome back party after the second trip to the North Sea."

All in one, Penny stood straight, turning to look at him, hand flying to her mouth as a lump formed in her throat and her breath caught. Tears came immediately to her eyes, but they didn't leave his.


	6. Chapter 5: Penny's Story

_**Chapter 5 - Penny's Story: **"Take this sinking boat, and point it home" _

"Penny..."

"I'm sorry." Her voice shook.

"Come here," Leonard stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her in a protective embrace.

"I am so, _so _sorry," Penny whispered, leaning her forehead into his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his back, clinging to him tightly. "Leonard, I am _so _sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Penny." Leonard assured her, softly but firmly. "It was my fault."

"No," Penny shook her head against him, "you did what was right, I should have... I should have dealt with it better. I shouldn't have been so selfish."

"You were _not _being selfish. I understand, Penny... I didn't think of how difficult it was for you."

Lifting her head off his shoulder, Penny looked up at Leonard with glassy eyes, and shook her head again. "You don't understand."

"I... Sheldon told me."

"Oh."

Silence fell between them, until Leonard eventually led them over to sit down on the edge of the bed. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he clasped his hands, while Penny folded her legs beneath her. A sudden dread filled him, that what she was going to tell him was a lot worse than he had been told by his friends.

"Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

"What did Sheldon tell you?"

Leonard turned to look at her. "After... you and I hadn't spoken for over a week. He told me that you'd told Amy that we were no longer together, and Amy had gotten you an appointment with a therapist because you wouldn't really talk to anybody. Then a few weeks later he told me that you were depressed but that's all anybody knew, which was still more than me. After that he said you quit your job and were leaving."

Penny offered him a sad smile. "That's the gist of it."

"How come you never told me?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry. And I didn't want to look... weak."

"Being depressed doesn't mean you're weak."

"I know, but... I always thought I was this strong, positive person who could take whatever they got. That I was in control of myself and my emotions. I was scared to tell you that I love you but... _God_, this was worse, this was so much worse." Penny got off the bed, beginning a slow pace around the room. "Those first four months without you were difficult, Leonard. If I wasn't working or at school, I was just moping around doing nothing, but what kept me going was that at the end of it, you were coming home. The only damn thing I had to keep me going for those four months was _you_. So when you told me that Stephen Hawking had asked you back on a second expedition to re-run and confirm the experiments a week after you were due to finish that one, I..."

"You weren't happy about that."

"No, I was happy, I was _so _happy for you. But, God, I was so angry! After the initial pain of realizing maybe I wouldn't be seeing you for another three months after that, I was angry. Mostly at myself for getting this upset and hopeless without you around. But also at the people who decided to take you away from me. And at you, for being so damn good at what you do, and accepting that stupid contract. And then at myself again, because above all of that I wanted you to do this because you deserved it, you are amazing and there was _no way _you could decline this offer, and yet I still wanted you to myself."

"That was... that was a difficult decision to make. It truly tore me apart." Leonard said through the lump in his throat.

Stopping, she turned towards him. "I know. I could tell. But I encouraged you to do it. And you did. I was so proud of you, Leonard. For a few days I just kept telling everyone that Stephen Hawking personally asked for you. But then your boat came in, and you had a tight turn-around schedule, and moved locations, and before I knew it you were back at sea."

"It was around then that Sheldon told me he thought you were beginning to act different."

"I guess I was. I felt like the _worst _girlfriend, because no matter how happy I was for you and how proud I was, I was still angry, and upset, and confused."

"You were allowed to feel confused, and upset, and angry. And you never showed it."

Her eyes met his, staying there for a moment, before they began to fill with tears and her bottom lip trembled. "I just wanted you to be happy. I could pretend being happy for you. That is was what was important to me."

Heart breaking into a million pieces, Leonard stood instantly from the bed and wrapped his arms around her again. "If you had said you didn't want me to go, you know I would have torn up that contract in an instant, right?"

"But I wanted you to be happy." Penny mumbled.

"You should know I would _always _put your happiness above anything else."

"I know it never seemed like it, but I have issues with accepting things like that... that I was the most important thing in someone's life. That I matter that much to them."

"Well, you were. You are. You always will be."

She tilted her head and looked up at him. "That's the problem, isn't it? The problem with love. All you want is for the other person to be happy, so much so that you let yourself get hurt in the process."

"I guess it is." Leonard agreed sadly.

"And that's exactly what I did." Pulling away from him again, Penny sat back down on the bed, staring at the floor. "And I'm sorry." She dropped her head, burying it in her hands as she felt the tears intensify. "I'm so, so sorry, Leonard." Her voice was barely a whisper now.

He was back by her side in an instant, sitting beside her with an arm wrapped around her. "Penny, please, _please_ don't be sorry."

"But I did this." Sniffling slightly, she lifted her head to look at him, trying to compose herself. "This is where I owe you an explanation, Leonard."

"You don't owe me an explanation-"

"No, please, I do." Penny held a hand up to stop him from talking, taking a steady breath. "About halfway through that second trip, I thought... I can't do this. I'm not happy. I'm not strong enough to do this. But I don't want to get in the way of your career. And I don't know how much more of this I can physically and mentally take. The problem was that I couldn't tell you this; I could hardly admit those things to myself but I knew they were true. So I... I just told you that I couldn't do this anymore, that right now it was better for us to be apart."

The moment came flooding back to him; her tear-stained eyes, her figure slumped in the bed, the way she quickly closed the laptop once she'd told him.

"It was... it was horrible. Eventually I told the girls that we were taking time apart, and Amy said that was it, and made me an appointment with this therapist. I hated the idea of it but I went anyway. She was great. Her husband travelled a lot for work so she got where I was coming from, and she never judged me the way I judged myself. And I'm not going to tell you everything that happened, or a lot of what was said... I hope that's okay with you." Her eyes begged his for approval.

"Of course. You don't have to tell me anything."

Eyes glassy, she slowly took his hands in hers. "I'm sorry, Leonard. I never, _ever _wanted to break up with you, but I thought that was the only way I could cope. That way, you could still be happy, and still have your career. But I was selfish, because I did what was easiest for me. And I am so, _so _incredibly sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Leonard said softly, holding her gaze.

"I used to laugh when people said they were depressed from a break-up, or from missing somebody... then karma came and bit me in the ass." Penny gave a small laugh, lifting their hands so she could dab her eyes with the inside of her elbow. "I never knew it was so easy to get to that stage. I denied it for so long. She told me sometimes there's no cause. But I had a trigger, you being away was… you went away, years ago, to the North Pole, and that was tough for me. The first sea trip was a lot worse. Everything after that was…"

"A trigger. I'm sorry that you did, Penny. I wish you hadn't. I wish I'd seen how upset you really were and... and just come back. I am truly, deeply sorry."

"Don't be. You shouldn't be. Just because you were involved in it, doesn't mean you should apologize. You deserved entirely getting to be invited back by Stephen Hawking and despite what happened, I will always be happy that you _did _go back, because by the looks of it, it's been... it was the right choice."

"The career side of it was... great. Amazing. I mean, since I was kid, it was all I've ever wanted. But every single day, I wondered if I _had _made the right choice. And after... I spent a long time regretting my decision. I hated myself because I chose my career over you."

"You did _not _-"

"I did. Unintentionally. I wished I hadn't. But after that, work was the only thing I had, and the only thing that could keep me distracted, and eventually I just let myself accept that my career was everything that I had. Nothing was ever the same after that but I learned that sometimes that's just the way things turn out. And now I really wish I had taken that extra moment to talk to you, tried harder to see how this was really affecting you. I wish somebody had told me how bad it was."

"You did. You were wonderful. But you know how good I am at hiding my emotions. That got easier with time, and then eventually I couldn't do it anymore."

"Still. I wish I had taken those few extra seconds to just sit and talk to you and promise that after this trip I would come back no matter what. I wish I had said that."

"All I would have done was tell you there was no way you could stop your work just for me when you were doing so well. And you know that. So don't beat yourself up about it. Because I swear to God, if you do, if you so much as think about blaming this on yourself I will _physically _beat you up."

"I wish I knew how bad it had gotten for you, Penny. Nobody told me. If I'd known I would have been there in an instant. I should have-"

"Leonard!"

"But I should have-"

"_Leonard_." Penny put a finger to his lips, her face serious. "If you feel bad, it's just going to make me feel worse." She raised her brows at him, knowing that what she had told him was, while a harsh truth, the only way to stop him from blaming himself like she knew he would. After a moment, she relaxed slightly, and a small smile formed on her face. "My therapist was right. She said that if I ever spoke to you or saw you again, telling you all of this would be easy. She told me that, based on what I had said about you, you understood me and even though it was difficult, you accepted _me_."

"Well, she was right about that." Leonard assured her.

"Good." Penny squeezed his hands gently. "Thank you." Pursing her lips together, she looked down at their joined hands. "I know what I just told you is... a lot to take in. But I've done my best to accept it, and... and it would help me, a lot, if you could - at least try - to do that too."

"Of course, Penny." He knew that, within his promise, was a promise to not question her beyond her boundaries - it was her issue, and something that was personal and sensitive to her. Something that he wholly respected.

After a moment, Penny looked up at him again. "So now you know my story, how about we go take a look at this lunch menu you were telling me about? I could do with the distraction."

"That sounds good to me."

Getting up, he helped her up from the bed. For a moment, they simply stood there, looking at each other. Penny tried to convey how grateful she was through her smile; for him, for listening to her, for not questioning her, for accepting that despite her strong appearance she had many weaknesses that she couldn't accept herself. For allowing her to feel this way. For being back in her life.


	7. Chapter 6: London

_**Chapter 6 - London: **"Sing your melody." _

"Penny?"

"Mm?" Penny looked up from the two fries she was dipping in her ketchup-mayonnaise mixture.

"Can I ask you something?"

Rolling her eyes, she ate the fries and sighed. "Fine, you can have some of my fries, but only if I can have some of that Mexican rice."

"What? No, I wasn't going to ask for fries."

"Oh. Well can I still have some of that Mexican rice?"

"Yeah, sure." Leonard shrugged. He watched as she leaned forward to take a few spoonfuls of his rice onto her plate. She had been thoroughly enjoying the food here, even more so when he'd told her the company paid for his meals.

"So what did you want to ask me?" Penny said, settling back into her seat and beginning on the rice.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But how did you end up here, in London?"

Shrugging, she chewed excessively on a mouthful of rice before replying to him. "I got an acting job here."

"Oh. Okay."

Picking up two fries and using her fork to place rice on top of them, Penny ate this combination curiously, seeming to approve of it when she nodded and continued to eat like this for a while. "You want the honest answer?" She asked, once she'd finished the rice.

"I don't mind... you don't have to."

"No, it's fine, I've just never told anyone _why _I decided to do a play in London." Penny chewed on her lip for a moment, before looking at him with a blank expression. "You remember my acting class? And when you saw me in that play we done?"

"Uh-huh." Leonard nodded.

"And there was that British girl in it? You asked me if she was really British or just putting on an accent, and then Sheldon argued that that wouldn't make sense because the play isn't British. Anyway, she - Christine - told me about this audition she had in London that her parents had told her agent in LA about. I asked her for the details and then I passed them on to _my _agent, and she got me an audition - instead of flying over there, for the first audition we just sent over a tape."

"When about was this?"

"It was... it was around the time you were supposed to be finishing up your second trip." Penny nodded, more to herself than to Leonard. "I never wanted anything so badly. If I got this, I could get the hell out of Pasadena and try give myself a fresh start. When I got the recall, I had to fly out there - which cost an arm and a leg, by the way - and I was sat on the plane and I thought... I thought if I'm in England, I'm closer to you. Even if you were on land somewhere in Europe, I was still closer to you than I was back home. I guessed you probably wouldn't want to come back to Pasadena anyway. I didn't think I'd ever actually see you, and I had no idea what you were doing by this point, but... it made me feel a little better. And they liked me, and I got it. So I said yes, and I moved out here."

"Wow." Leonard blinked a few times. That wasn't what he had been expecting, at all. After her story, he'd figured maybe it would stop at 'I just needed a fresh start' or something along those lines. But moving to England to be closer to _him_? Not to see him, but just to _know_? It was incredibly touching, and he wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. The casual way in which she'd said it didn't hide the emotion behind it, just as with many things she'd said over the years he had known her.

"I know, it's really stupid."

"No, no, it's not stupid, it's... touching, that that's the reason you wanted to be here." Leonard smiled at her. "And I'm glad that you got the part, because you seem to really be enjoying it. You're very talented."

"Oh... thank you." Penny blushed a little, diverting her eyes back to her food for a moment. "I think being here just made it easier to get on with things and start moving forward."

"I'm glad it worked out for you."

"Thank you. I'm glad it did too." Penny looked back up at him, placing her cutlery onto her plate to show she was finished. "So, what about you? What brings the brilliant Doctor Leonard Hofstadter to London?"

"Do you want the short story or the full story?"

Tilting her head to her shoulder, Penny raised a brow at him. "I think after all of that, I deserve the full story."

"Yes, that is true. I was just checking."

Just then, their waiter turned up, having spotted their plates pushed to the center of the table and their cutlery resting on top. "May I take your plates?"

"Yeah, sure." Penny nodded. "Thank you."

"Your desserts will be with you shortly." The waiter told them, in reference to the desserts they had ordered at the start of their meal - Leonard had recommended the one he knew Penny would like most.

"Thank you." Leonard nodded and smiled up at the waiter as he left, before returning his attention to Penny. "Okay. So, I guess you know about the second trip." He paused as she nodded, and he brought his hands up, elbows leaning on the table, resting his chin in his hands. "After that, I didn't really want to go back to Pasadena. By then, I was pretty good friends with one of the guys who leads the teams. I told I'm about what had happened and asked if there was another trip coming up soon. He offered me a deal similar to his - a few months at a time at sea, and then anywhere between a week to a few months on land, to gather our results together or run accompanying lab tests, that kind of thing. Giving presentations, all of that. Obviously not the same as his role, but I'd be part of the team. So I accepted it, since... there really was nothing else for me at that point."

Penny looked guiltily at him, but refrained herself from apologizing at loud, knowing he would insist that it wasn't her fault.

"Anyway, I accepted that. And at first it was difficult, because I was so worried about you, and I knew I couldn't do anything about it. You wiped yourself from social media and... I tried calling but you never answered, or it went to voicemail, so after a while I guess I realized maybe you wanted it that way. I was still always worried but I just threw myself into my work."

Placing her free hand over his, Penny put her dessert fork down. "I'm sorry that I did that to you. But I'm glad that you had your work."

"I know." Leonard nodded. "I'm glad too." He smiled at her, to assure her that he had acknowledged her apology. "Eventually, that kind of just turned into my life - travelling and being on boats. That 'It's a Small World' ride would be a breeze nowadays."

"I'll bet it would." Penny giggled.

"One day I'll test that theory out." Leonard shrugged. "A few months ago, a bunch of us were asked to go to London to do a few presentations, meet with some new scientists, that kind of stuff. Then the rest of the team would meet us down here before we head off again."

"So you weren't in London before that?"

"No."

"Okay." Penny nodded slowly. That, somehow, made her feel better. It meant that she hadn't been missing out on any opportunity to see him. Smiling slightly to herself, she worked through the last few bites of her dessert, grinning up at him once she had finished. "You were right, this was _amazing_, by the way."

"Good." Leonard grinned. "Unless you want more, we can go back upstairs if you like."

"Yeah, I'd like that," she nodded, standing, "and you can tell me all about your work. You've seen my work, so you get to tell me all about what you've actually been doing."

"Okay. But it's not that exciting."

"You're lying." Penny peered at him.

"Alright, it _is _exciting. It just doesn't _sound _exciting." Leonard pressed the button for the elevator.

"I still want to hear about it. But I have to warn you," Penny said, as they stepped into the elevator, "I will _probably _get jealous if you mention other women, so, you know... in my mind it's just guys on that ship."

"There were a few girls on that ship but honestly interacting with them on any level other than for work was the last thing on my mind."

"That's great to know but they still don't exist in my mind." Penny sighed when he raised a brow at her. "Look, I can't help it, okay! After Alex I had to stay cautious. Just... it's just the way it is."

"Okay. Admittedly I'd like to pretend there are no guys in your play, but I saw already saw them, so that doesn't really work in my favor."

Shrugging, Penny stepped out of the elevator behind Leonard as the doors opened. "If it helps, three of them are gay and the others are taken. Except for one but he slept with Christine, who is seeing Lewis."

"That does help." Leonard nodded to himself, opening the door to his room.

Instantly, Penny went to the bed, flopping onto it. For a moment, she closed her eyes. Emotionally, she was drained. Sharing all of that with Leonard had been terrifying. But at the same time, it had been liberating. The one person who could really understand her, even though he was the one person who would feel the most affected by it, knew. She didn't have worry about him not knowing the truth anymore. It wasn't all cooped up inside her anymore. So while she felt emotionally exhausted, she had a new energy in her. She'd come to London thinking it would give her a fresh perspective, but she'd been wrong; _this _was her fresh perspective.

"You okay there?" Leonard chuckled, taking off his jacket and placing it over the back of the chair.

"Mm-hmm." Penny nodded, keeping her eyes closed, a smile on her face.

He stood there for a few minutes, not sure of what to do. "What're you thinking about?"

"How great I feel right now."

"Oh. You want me to leave you here for a while, or..."

"No, it was just a nice moment." Penny grinned as she sat up, leaning on her elbows. "You know, when things feel like they've fallen into place." Shuffling backwards to lean against the pillows and headboard, she patted the space next to her. "Now, come on, catch me up on the great adventures of Leonard Hofstadter."

"Alright." Leonard nodded, tentatively climbing into the bed next to her, but relaxing as he leaned back and began talking.

He told her about the experiments he had been working on, and took the time to explain them to her so she understood why they were doing them and what the result was. He told her about the places they had visited, the countries they had been located at and why they'd gone there. He shared the things he'd learned in those countries about their cultures and customs, the food he'd experienced and the problem with not knowing how to speak their languages. She laughed at him when he said he'd always try to ask for things in the native language, but ended up just sounding ridiculous, telling him he could ask in English and they'd probably get the gist of it. He argued that he wanted to try and 'fit in' and make the most of being there.

"So when I came to London it was a relief to just be able to read and speak without getting a headache." Leonard concluded with a laugh. "Though I do still get a headache sometimes from trying to pronounce the names of some people on our team."

"Aw, poor you." Penny giggled. "That's what you get for having such an international job. At least I just had to learn an accent, not a language."

"Well I can introduce myself in like, ten different languages now, so it has it's benefits." Leonard shrugged.

"Including British?" Penny wiggled her brows.

"What? British is English."

"I meant, can you introduce yourself in a British accent?" She grinned at him with her tongue between her teeth.

"I'm not going to do a British accent for you! Compared to yours now, it's going to sound awful."

"You watch, I'm going to make you do it at some point."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Fine." Leonard chuckled slightly when she peered at him with a determined expression on her face. "Hey, you know where I haven't been yet that we could go?"

"Where?"

"The Royal Observatory."

Throwing her head back, Penny closed her eyes and mocked falling asleep and snoring. "Bo-ring."

"Come on! Apparently it's really cool there. Besides, I was planning to go this weekend anyway."

Penny looked up at him, chewing on her lip. Okay, so she didn't really know _what _the Royal Observatory was - apart from that it was probably something nerdy, because Leonard had suggested it. But then again, she'd gone to the Science Museum and enjoyed it a lot more than she had expected to. And it would give them a chance to get out of this room and take their mind off the difficult things. _Fresh perspective, _she reminded herself. And it meant spending time with Leonard, actually doing something with him, _being _with him, and him being happy. With that thought, she jumped off the bed.

"Okay then, Doctor, let's go." Penny said in her best British accent, grinning widely at him. He raised a brow at her, folding his arms across her chest. "What?"

"Sounds like you're talking to the Doctor from Doctor Who."

"Yeah, that's what I was going for. They were showing the ones with David Tennant and Billie Piper the other week."

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, that's what it reminded me of, which was - wait, you watched Doctor Who?"

"Yes, oh my God, okay, I watch your stupid nerdy television shows sometimes," Penny exclaimed defensively, before bursting into giggles when she noticed his worried expression. "Sorry."

"Don't do that!" Leonard frowned.

"I said I'm sorry! Now come on, I thought we're going to this Observe-y thing."

"Observatory." Leonard corrected her, pulling his jacket back on as they went to leave the room.

"Yeah, you're going to need to explain what that is."


	8. Chapter 7: Realizations

_**Chapter 7 - Realizations: **"I've played my cards too late." _

They arrived back at the hotel in the evening, yawning, but with smiles on their faces. Penny had been right; the Observatory had been more fun than she had thought, and it was actually very interesting, although a lot of if meant very little to her, it was still worth it for how fascinated Leonard looked by everything. After purchasing a few small souvenirs, they had headed out to dinner, before going for a long walk, and eventually deciding to make their way back. They hadn't even questioned whether Penny was going to back to her place or back to his hotel.

"So, was that more fun than you thought?" Leonard asked, grinning as she placed the plastic bag containing a few things she'd got from the gift shop on his desk.

"Yeah... it was pretty cool, actually." Penny nodded, turning around to smile at him. "The planetarium was nice. Did you enjoy it?"

"Of course I did! It was so awesome, the stuff you learn there is fascinating." Leonard nodded eagerly, putting his plastic bag down next to hers - his contained three books, and thudded slightly as it hit the desk.

"Well, thank you for a fun afternoon. And thank you for dinner and a nice evening." Penny smiled up at him.

"You're welcome. Thank you for keeping me company."

"Any time." Yawning, Penny stretched her arms up, before dropping them down to her sides. "Ugh. Do you mind if I use your shower?"

"Oh, sure, go for it." Leonard led her over to the en-suite bathroom, switching the lights on. "Up on that rail are the spare towels."

"Perfect." Penny nodded, before biting her lip. "Uh, Leonard, I don't have any pajamas. Or a robe."

"Umm... okay, well, I can call down to reception and ask them to bring up another robe. As for pajamas... uh, I guess you could use one of my t-shirts."

Grinning, she nodded. "Okay. That works for me." _Ooh, yeah, it definitely works for me. _"Now go, that awesome shower is practically beckoning me."

Chuckling, Leonard nodded, stepping back out into the bedroom. "Okay, okay. Have a nice shower."

"I will. Thanks!" Penny grinned once more, before shutting the door.

Shaking his head, Leonard made his way over to the wardrobe in which he'd placed his clothes (he hated living out of a suitcase) to find her a t-shirt. He was still in a slight state of disbelief - not only that he'd actually run into Penny, but that she was here with him, right now, using his hotel shower, about to wear his t-shirt. Who would have thought? He'd always figured if he saw her again, it would be in Pasadena, in ten years time when Sheldon and Amy got married, or something like that. But this was better, much better. Even if it meant knowing her painful story, and living with the guilt that he was the one who'd caused that, being with her right now was the best feeling in the world.

Suddenly, he heard a scream from the bathroom, and he dropped the t-shirt he was holding in favor of running to the door and pulling it open in a panic. "What, what? What's wrong?"

"I couldn't figure out what switch does what and I got cold water in my face along with a butt massage!" Penny exclaimed. "Which was _not _what I bargained for! What the hell are all those stupid jets for anyway!"

"Oh my God, I thought you'd fallen over or something, thank _God_." Leonard held a hand to his chest. "And you said those jets were cool."

"Well I've changed my mind. I hate them." Penny folded her arms across her chest, before realizing that she was naked, and covered in cold water. Her voice went quiet as she crossed one leg in front of the other. "Leonard, can you get the shower running please?"

"Huh?" Leonard blinked, tearing his eyes away from her body. "Oh, sure, sure." Stepping past her, he adjusted the temperature control and switched the water control to the overhead power shower. He placed a hand beneath the stream of water, waiting until it was coming out at the desired temperature. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Penny bit her lip as she stepped closer to him to get back into the shower.

Without thinking, her arms flew around his neck as her lips crashed onto his. Surprised, it took him a few seconds before he responded. It was only a few minutes later that she made it into the shower, a move that was greatly improved by the fact that Leonard was there too.

* * *

"Guess there's no point in you calling down to ask for a robe or lending me a t-shirt now." Penny smirked, rolling onto her side to look at Leonard.

"I suppose there really isn't." Leonard agreed, propping his head up on his elbow.

Having pulled the covers up to her chin, Penny sighed. "I still don't know how you ever leave this bed. It's so comfortable and big and awesome."

"Well, now that you're in it, it's a task that's gonna be a lot more difficult."

"Yeah?" Penny grinned when he nodded. "Well, that is one thing that I am _not _sorry for."

"Penny-"

"Shh." She placed a finger over his lips.

"Okay," he said softly. He took her hand, bringing it down from his lips and holding it beneath his chin. "Hmm. But I'm not kidding, you're going to make it really difficult to get out of bed tomorrow."

"Works in my favor. I don't have to be in until earliest half six in the evening. Do you _have _to get out of bed tomorrow?"

He thought about it for a moment. "All I was planning on doing tomorrow was working on a presentation. So I'd have to get out of bed to get my laptop from my desk. But other than that... no, I don't really have to get out of bed."

"Good." Penny shuffled closer to him, transferring her head from the pillow to his chest. "Mm. Do they do room service here?"

"Yeah. Are you hungry?"

"Not right now. I meant for tomorrow."

"Oh. Yeah, yeah they do. We can do that."

"Perfect. But you'll have to answer the door for them. I intend on spending as much time in this bed as possible." Penny giggled to herself. "You'll just have to go with housekeeping not cleaning your room for a day."

"That's fine by me."

"Right answer." Penny tilted her head up to kiss him gently, before placing her head back on his chest and draping an arm over his stomach. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. "Mm. This is nice. Thank you for today, Leonard. I really mean that. For everything." Nuzzling her head slightly, she felt him kiss her hair in response. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Penny. Sleep well."

"I will."

* * *

Two hours later, Leonard found himself lying there, wide awake, mind whirring. Penny slept peacefully in his arms, sweet and beautiful as ever, her soft snores rhythmically tickling his skin. It was how happy, comfortable and at ease she was being now, compared to the day before, that was keeping him from going into a complete panic.

But that didn't stop his mind from worrying and overthinking everything she had told him, everything that had happened to get them here.

It was the same sentence that he kept coming back to: _I didn't try my best to be there for her_.

His mind pointed out to him that he should have paid more attention during their conversations over Skype to make sure that she was _really _happy, and not just _saying _she was happy. Sheldon had told him by then that he had observed differences in her behavior - he should have insisted on more information instead of just accepting 'she just seems different, she never wants to eat with us anymore' - something he'd attributed to her being fed up of Sheldon's company and wanting time to herself. He shouldn't have accepted Penny's answer of 'there's only so much time I can spend with Sheldon without you there to keep me sane'.

When she'd ended their conversation that evening, he should have been stronger and tried to call her, text her, anything, straight away, instead of just sitting there in his room, shocked and heartbroken. He knew that she was someone who liked their space when they were upset, but all he could think of was how hopeless he had been in that situation and that he should have tried harder.

And on top of all that, he should never have accepted that second trip. No matter what she told him about it being the right move, and that she would never have let him say no.

The only thing that kept him from completely hating himself was the fact that at least right now she was happy, and at least she had landed herself a wonderful acting job. Perhaps she thought she was weak for what had happened to her, but to him she was the bravest, strongest person he knew. Despite how difficult on her all of this had been, she made her way through it and worked hard to get herself that job, and took the steps to get back on her feet.

Pulling her closer to him, he placed his lips on her forehead for a moment, before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn't try my best to be there for you." Leonard whispered. "And I am truly, deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart. But I promise, I will never, _ever _let that happen again."

Promise made to her and to himself, Leonard closed his eyes, finally allowing himself to be pulled into slumber.

* * *

Having spent the majority of the morning and afternoon in bed, Penny had decided that she would come back to the hotel after the show. He used the time she was away to work on his presentation, since he hadn't really been given the chance to during the day. Of course, he wasn't going to complain: spending time with her was something he'd much rather do, in comparison to... well, anything, really.

When she returned to the hotel that night, he had a bubble bath ready for her, though she still insisted it was a swimming pool, not a bathtub. For a while he left her to relax, but she called him in. It was relaxing and intimate; simply enjoying the warmth of the water and her back against his chest, not needing to talk but simply _be _in each others company.

When she exclaimed that she was becoming "more prune than human" they got out, and he teased her by asking if she was missing her Star Wars shower gel to which she simply rolled her eyes. Despite their temporary displacement, the painful time they had spent apart, everything right now felt _right_. Almost like it had been before, only they appreciated each others mere existence a lot more now. They slipped back into each others lives so naturally, so easily and so openly that the routine of going between intimate moments and teasing each other gave them back their sense of belonging.

That night they went to sleep in each others embrace once more, Penny in one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxer shorts as a pair of make-shift pajamas. He wore his white t-shirt that night, having had no need to put it on previously. It was calming, seeing him wear that simple garment, and she immediately placed her hands on the material. The familiarity warmed her heart.

The following morning they went to Starbucks for breakfast. Penny wished she had brought more than one pair of panties with her and a change of clothes. And she needed to shave her legs, and cleanse her face, and moisturize... yes, there was a lot to do that she hadn't even considered. By the time they'd got back to the hotel she had admitted defeat and told him they'd have to go back to hers and stay there for the night.

"That's cool with me," Leonard nodded when she told him. "I'll spend the time you're at work watching _Babylon 5._"

"You are never going to shut up about that, are you?"

"Nope." He shook his head, grinning smugly.

"Alright. Whatever. I guess I deserve that." Penny sighed, as she flopped down onto the bed and switched on the television.

As he went to join her, his phone rang, and she muted the television so he could talk.

"Hello? Hey. Yeah, no, I'm not doing anything." Leonard paused as he listened, furrowing his brow in concentration. "Oh, that sounds great. Yeah, I'm free then. Where's that? Uh-huh. Alright, I'll look it up. No, sorry, I didn't finish the presentation yet. I'll get that finished for you tonight and send it tomorrow morning. No, time-wise it's fine, don't worry. Of course. Alright, I'll see you then. Bye."

"Who was that?" Penny asked, unmuting the television.

"My boss." Leonard replied, putting his phone down on his desk and taking off his jacket.

"What did he want?"

"To arrange to meet and finalize the details of the next trip."

Her eyes shot from the television to his. "The next trip? When is that?"

"It's..." Leonard dropped his gaze to the floor, as the problem clicked together. His heart jumped to his throat. "It's in two weeks time."

"Oh. Two weeks. That's... that's great." Penny nodded slowly, and she could feel the panic and dread rise in her body. How had neither of them foreseen this? She felt herself rise off of the bed. "I... two weeks, that's... soon. Really soon."

"Penny-" He wanted to kick himself. Or to be swallowed up by the ground. Or for a time machine to appear right now.

"And, I have two weeks to decide if I want to stay on for another year," Penny told him, reaching for her purse, moving on autopilot. "So, you know, I guess I should... I should really start thinking about that."

"Listen, Penny, I'm sorry, I should have-"

"No, no, it's fine, I mean, we're both in London for a reason, right? Your job travels, I know that, so, this was going to happen anyway," she said, fighting back the tears she could feel threatening to spill, walking backwards towards the door. "I mean, it shouldn't be such a surprise, right?"

"I haven't-"

"I really do need to get back, and you need time to do your presentation, Leonard, and I need to think about my contract - and look at bills, I mean, I still have my apartment in Pasadena to think about - so, yeah, I'm just going to..." Opening the door, Penny left her sentence unfinished as she stepped out, slamming it behind her.


	9. Chapter 8: Discoveries

_**Chapter 8 - Discoveries: **"Games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out."_

Running his hands over his face and through his hair, Leonard sighed as he stared at the screen of his laptop. Every few minutes, he'd stop, the stress of what had happened between him and Penny a couple of days ago hitting him all over again.

At first, he'd simply stood there as he processed just what was happening. Then he remembered that he was a human and he _could_ move, and rushed out of his room, stabbing hastily and the 'down' button for the elevator. By the time he'd gotten outside, she had gone. There was a cab turning the corner and he could have placed a bet that she was in that cab. When he got back to his room, mumbling angry at himself, he realized that he'd left his key in there, in his haste to chase after her, so had had to go and ask for another one.

He'd spent an hour just sitting there at his desk, trying to remember her address. She'd given it to the cab driver that night after he'd seen her in the play. But apart from 'Apartment 28', nothing came to mind. They hadn't given each other their numbers, not needing them whilst still in each others company, and in retrospect he wished that he'd asked before she left for work so he could make sure she was getting back okay. She still didn't exist online, apart from the play's website, with a little biography about her, which he'd already read in the program. He didn't want to turn up outside the theater and cause a scene, because he knew that would probably scare her even more.

Then he'd figured that perhaps she needed some space to think. Which was fair enough; he didn't blame her. She had always needed some space, and she probably needed it now. Maybe _he _needed some space to think.

It was strange, how neither of them had seen this coming. They both knew that his job now involved travelling frequently, and spending months at sea, visiting and working in new destinations. And yes, there were plans to probably return to London after this expedition, but they weren't final, and he hadn't had the chance to tell her that yet, since he'd already forgotten about the fact that he even was going away in the first place. But what if that didn't help? It was the separation that had caused them to drift apart in the first place; he knew that know. It was difficult. Why should he make her face that again? How was 'I might be coming back in a few months time' supposed to help her?

And that brought him to where he was now. Three days of overthinking, trying to remember her address, hating himself, and trying to distract himself with work. It was a vicious circle. He'd managed to finish his presentation and send it off, but now he had the paper to focus on. He'd write a few sentences and then find himself stressing again.

Sighing, he saw that it was approaching half ten in the evening. Perhaps it was better for him to resign for the night and just try to get some sleep so his head didn't hurt so much and he could think straight. Shutting his laptop, he stood from his chair, walking into the middle of the room to stretch, sore from sitting all day.

As he went to shrug off his jacket, thinking about how she'd be leaving to go home around now, his eyes widened. Suddenly, her voice giving the taxi driver her address rung through his mind, as he remembered fiddling with doing up his seatbelt that moment - it was like deja vu. _Freaky, _he thought to himself. _Yeah, that's what to focus on. How freaky that is. _Grabbing his hotel key, wallet and phone from his desk, Leonard sped out of the room.

* * *

Locking the door, Penny kicked her shoes off and dropped her jacket and bag off in the front room, before heading straight for the bathroom. Tying her hair up in a messy top knot, she wiped her make-up off, cleaning her face and staring at her tired face for a few seconds. Back in the bedroom, she rid herself of her clothes before pulling on her white tank top and a pair of red flannel shorts before slouching back through to the front room.

Making herself a hot cup of tea, she grabbed a packet of cookies before settling herself on the couch. It was just like it had been for the past few days; a cacophony of blankets and cushions, a hoodie for when she got cold, and mismatched socks that she apparently kicked off whenever she fell asleep. Wrapping herself up in the blankets with her knees up to her chest, she held her mug in one hand, balancing it on her knee, as she switched on the television and found herself a late night movie to watch.

The couch wasn't comfortable. She wasn't particularly interested in the movie she was watching. One of the blankets made her skin itch and the cushions didn't seem to accommodate how she wanted them to. She'd forgotten to put sugar in her tea so it didn't taste right. Her eyes hurt but she knew trying to sleep now would only mean lying there, uncomfortable, as tears stung at her eyes while she thought about how unfair life was and how dumb it was that she couldn't bring herself to sleep in her own bed because Leonard wasn't there now. Thinking about how she was too scared to even go back to Leonard's hotel room to talk about things out of fear that he'd think she was ridiculous for running off like that, and the conflict of _wanting _to see him again, and wanting him to come and find her but also just wanting to be completely alone, only made her hate herself to the point she'd curl her fists up so tight her fingernails would pierce the skin of her palms.

She couldn't help the dread that filled her as she thought _this is how it begins_. Closing her eyes for a moment, she bit her lip to stop it from trembling. _First you're sad like this and then you start to give up on fighting it and fighting at all. _Shooting her eyes open, she groaned out loud, before attempting to return her focus to the movie.

Over half an hour later, she'd finally gotten into the movie and begun following the storyline of the characters. Her doorbell ringing caused her to jump, and she grumbled as she muted the television, getting up. If it was one of the neighbors again asking for their key after a drunken night out, she was seriously going to have to tell them she no longer wanted to be the one who had their spare key. It wasn't fair, she never knocked on _their _doors asking for spare keys.

Yanking the door open, her expression changed from anger to shock when she saw Leonard standing at her door.

"Whatever you're doing here you're going to have to come inside and close the door because it's cold out there and I left my blankets on the couch." Penny folded her arms, her annoyance faltering.

"Sorry." Leonard stepped inside quickly, closing the door behind him. "Can I talk to you?"

"Well, you're here now, so you might as well." Penny shrugged, before turning on her heel and heading back into the living room. Watching as she wrapped herself back up in blankets, Leonard couldn't help but observe how much messier it was than a few days ago. He stood awkwardly by the door, before she raised her brows at him. "You can sit down if you want."

"Oh, sure," he nodded, perching himself on the edge of the couch. "Penny, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she replied quickly, not looking at him. But she knew he wasn't going to accept that, and she knew it was far from the truth. Closing her eyes, she uttered a small "not really." The next thing she felt was the warmth of his embrace, and instantly she buried her face in his chest, tears spilling from her eyes. "Thank you."

Kissing her hair, he rubbed her back gently while she began to calm down a little. He could feel her tears soaking through his t-shirt, but he would rather have them there and be there to hold her, than have them spilling onto her own t-shirt when she was on her own.

"I'm going to talk now, okay?" Leonard said softly, as she relaxed and turned her head slightly so the side of her head rested on his chest.

"Okay." Penny sniffed.

"Mentioning that trip came as a shock to both of us... you more than me, because in the back of my head I still knew it was happening. I'm sorry for just bringing it up like that."

"It's fine, it just... it came as a _huge_ shock. I completely forgot about it." Penny mumbled. "I suppose I was pretending that it wasn't going to happen."

"That's okay. If the tables were turned, I would have reacted the same way." Leonard assured her. "You know I've been on quite a few of these trips. For each one of them, I've been working closer and closer with my boss."

"That's good. It's like eternal promotions."

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is. Anyway, the good thing about that is, I get a lot of input into these trips, how they happen, and who goes on them, that kind of stuff." Leonard paused for a moment before continuing. "I've been trying to concentrate on my work these past few days. But all I could think about was _you_. I wanted to find you but I didn't know how. And I knew turning up at your work would probably scare you, it seemed so... intrusive to force that upon you. But then, what if that was the only way? _Should _I have tried that?"

She nodded her agreement, looking at him apologetically. "No, I needed some space to myself. You're right. Work is my place to get away from everything. As much as this hurt I'm glad that you gave me that boundary."

"I just wanted to give you space but I also just wanted to find you. I had no idea where though." Leonard frowned. "I shut my laptop earlier and then as I went to start getting ready for bed I suddenly remembered your address. You didn't tell me it, you told the taxi driver, which is why it was so difficult to remember."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

"That's okay. I still remembered it eventually."

"Impressive, I have to say."

"Thanks." Leonard chuckled a little here as she nuzzled her nose against his neck for a moment, before dropping her head to his shoulder. "I've had a long time to think about it but the moment you ran out of my hotel room I made a decision. A decision I realised I had made when I first saw you outside the theater but never consciously thought about."

Penny's heart skipped a beat. "Huh?"

"I'm not going on the expedition."

"You..." the words got caught in Penny's throat for a moment before she could continue with "you're not?"

"No. I'm not going."

"Oh." Penny's blinked a few times, before lifting her head to look at him, her mind screaming. "Wow. Why?"

"I promised that I'm not going to ever let you go again, or let you go through what you did again." Leonard told her. "And I will stay with you here, if you want to stay here, or if you want to go back to Pasadena, we can go back there. Whatever you want. But I'm not leaving _you_. I can't do that again. I can't let you go through that again and I _don't want _to be apart from you again. Ever."


	10. Chapter 9: 36 Hours

_**Chapter 9 - 36 Hours: **"You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself." _

Penny's lips crashed to Leonard's in response, her hands cupping his face. Tears fell from her eyes for a whole new reasons; crying from happiness was something she hadn't experienced in a long time. Pulling away, she looked into his eyes. Her hands slid down to his shoulders. "Don't you dare ever scare me like that again, Leonard Hofstadter." Her voice was firm and expression stern, but only for a moment, as both faded softly at her next words. "Let's go back."

Wiping a tear from her cheek, he nodded. "Okay. If that's what you want, we can go back. But you don't need to decide right now, if you don't want to."

"No, I want to go back." Penny said firmly. "I came here to get away from everything that could hurt me and get a fresh perspective. As much as I love my job... being here will always remind me that I only came here to find a way of coping. I could tell you how many days it took me before I got out of bed without forcing myself, or how many nights I lay awake hating myself because I wanted to cry, or how many times I came home wishing you were there so I could tell you what lines I messed up in rehearsal or something funny that had happened in the show that night. I'm not kidding, I could tell you the exact dates those things _didn't _happen for the first time. And they're the reasons I don't want to stay here. I don't want to remember them. So even though Pasadena is where I was getting away from, it's where I met you and it's the last place my life felt whole, so I want to go back and I want to just move past everything that happened and just remember it as something I learned from."

"Wow." Leonard said through the lump in his throat. What always struck him were these moments - these moments where she would let everything go and surprise him with just _how _much she was feeling, and just how strongly. He nodded slowly, running a hand through her hair. "Okay. We can go back."

"Thank you." Penny whispered.

He took his hands in hers, bringing them to his lips to kiss along her fingers and knuckles. As he unfurled them to kiss her palms, he frowned at the fingernail shaped marks and cuts in her skin; marks and cuts which still looked raw. "What happened?" He asked quietly, searching her eyes.

She didn't look away from him, but turned quiet. "I was angry. The pain distracts me from the emotional pain. I do that when I'm angry." Penny admitted after a moment, shyly.

"Don't do that." He kissed across her palms gently, over each of the marks, her eyes closing as her lip trembled slightly. "You don't have to be angry anymore." She nodded slightly. "Penny, promise me. Please don't hurt yourself like that anymore."

Blinking her eyes open, she watched him for a moment as she steadied her tears. "I don't have any reason to be angry anymore." She told him. "I promise I won't do that anymore. I promise." She leaned forward and placed her lips over his.

This time, his lips responded to hers. The kiss was slow and gentle, but full of meaning.

Once more, Penny pulled back to look at him. "Leonard?"

"Mmhmm?" He blinked his eyes open to look at her.

"You know the other night when I told you that I loved you?"

"Yeah."

"I meant it."

"I meant it too."

Smiling, Penny leaned forward to kiss him again. "I love you, Leonard."

"I love you too, Penny."

This time, the kiss escalated. Their tongues battled for dominance, claiming each others mouths, begging for more. Soft moans began to escape them as their faces flushed and hands made their way across each others bodies. Penny maneuvered herself slightly, placing one leg over the other side of him, so she was straddling him. Easily the most comfortable she had even been on this couch.

* * *

Lying in the wake of their love making and everything that had happened in between, Penny smiled to herself as Leonard brought their linked hands up to his mouth, kissing her hand lightly. His other arm stretched out beneath her head, these hands also linked and resting on her pillow.

"Don't you think it's a bit unfair for you be a genius at everything?" Penny asked with a smirk on her face; the first words that had left her mouth since screaming his name the last time.

"What d'you mean?"

Tilting her head up to look at him, Penny raised her brows. "You know what I mean."

Thinking it over for a few seconds, Leonard's mouth opened slightly as he let out an "ahh" when he understood what she was talking about.

"Mm." Sighing contentedly, she closed her eyes for a moment, before opening them again and tilting her head up once more to look at him. "At least I get the benefits of you being the genius of everything. You're _my _genius."

"I'm your genius? I like it." Leonard smiled, placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"Uh-huh." Penny nodded slightly. "Can you believe I went nearly two years without any of this?"

"I just can't believe it's almost two years that we didn't see each other." Leonard frowned.

"I know. It feels like so much longer." Penny turned her head so her cheek rested on his chest. "This question is kinda personal, I... okay, this whole time, I haven't - well, apart from my chew toy - I haven't been with another guy. Like, in any way. Which is lame, I know, so if you-"

"No, I haven't." Leonard said, before she could finish her sentence.

"Oh, good. I didn't want to pretend I was okay with it if you did."

"Penny, it took me like two years to ask you out, you should know that this wouldn't have been sufficient time for me to have made a move yet." Leonard chuckled a little at his own expense.

"True. But still. You never know." Penny shrugged a shoulder up to her ear. "You know, it took me this long to learn that rebound sex is _not _a good idea. Like, it was bad, but I had my chew toy when I really needed it." Suddenly, she cringed, flinging her hand from the pillow to her face. "Oh God."

"What?" Leonard began to worry instantly.

"Okay, this is really bad. It's been dealt with, and I didn't even _know _about it, but... it's still really bad."

"What is it?"

"Umm... you remember when we were broken up? And you were with Priya? And I was kinda dating Zack?"

"Yeah..."

"Well... okay, so you know, when you get drunk, and you do _really _stupid things? I was talking to my therapist about Zack and why we got together, and, uh, this one time when we went to Vegas for Thanksgiving."

"Vegas for Thanksgiving? Wow."

"I know. So, umm, here's the thing. I was telling her about this chapel we went to and... long story short, what I thought was a _joke_, turns out to be... well, let's just say I got an annulment."

"An _annulment?!_" Leonard exclaimed, the only thing preventing him from sitting up in shock being Penny's head on his chest.

"Yes. Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

"You were married to _Zack_?"

"Not on purpose! I didn't know I was!"

Taking a few seconds to process this in his mind, Leonard took a few deep breaths, allowing himself to calm down. It helped; she didn't _know _about it, and she'd sorted it out, and she'd told him the truth - he didn't really like that it had happened but it could be a lot worse. And anyway, it didn't affect their current situation. "Okay."

"Okay?" Penny blinked up at him.

"Yeah. If you didn't know about it and you sorted it out, then I'm okay with that. It's... weird, but... the past is the past."

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, Penny dropped her forehead to just below his neck. "Thank you. Thank you for understanding and not getting mad." Lifting her head again, she bit her lip. "You have no idea how relieved I am that you don't hate me for that."

"As if I could _ever _hate you." He inched his head up slightly to kiss her softly, before dropping back down onto the pillows.

"You are a wonderful human being, you know that?" Penny smiled, turning over and shifting her body slightly to rest her arms on his chest, and her head on top of her right hand.

"That's... quite a statement." Leonard raised his brows in surprise, bending his arm to draw patterns on her back, realizing that she was being genuine. "Thank you."

"I mean it." Penny said seriously.

"Well, _you_," Leonard brought his other hand to gently tap her nose, which made her grin and squirm a little, "are a wonderful, strong, loving, kind, caring, funny and _beautiful _human being. And I mean it."

"Thank you." Penny whispered softly, shutting her eyes for a moment. It had been a long time since anybody had said something that honest and kind about her. Sure, it was great to hear 'you're such a great actress' and other caring, supporting things from her friends and family. But words like those coming from somebody who you loved so deeply were special to her heart, and she let his voice process in her mind, that it was really him saying those things to her. After a while, she opened them again. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"That feeling never went away, you know. The fact that I loved you. The whole time, I _knew _that I was still in love with you. Of all the emotions I felt, that one was always the strongest and it never went away. Even when I got weaker, how much I loved you didn't get weaker. After I told you I couldn't do this anymore... I wished I'd told you, for the last time, that I love you." Penny brought her left hand up to his face, her fingers stroking gently along his cheek. "If I could tell you one final thing, it would be that I can't let go of the fact that I love you."

"You're really going to make me cry, you know that?"

Shaking her head slowly, Penny lifted her body slightly, shuffling her body upwards so she could kiss him softly on the lips. "Don't. I know I always say that if I cry, you're gonna cry... but if _you _cry, then I am _definitely _going to cry. And I've done a lot of that."

"Okay," he nodded, placing a light kiss on her lips in return. "No crying. I'll give you a break."

"Good." Penny shuffled her body back down a little to rest her head on his chest. She traced patterns across his stomach, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. His fingers stroked soothingly across her arm, back and shoulders, and after a while that turned into a light massage. A thought suddenly crossed her mind, and she grinned wickedly as she lifted her body so she could straddle him. Placing her elbows on either side of his chest, between his arms and body, she brought her hands together to rest her chin in them.

"What're you doing?" Leonard asked, raising a brow as she settled into her new position.

"Well, you remember me telling you that I used to do this thing after breakups where I'd just have thirty six hours of rebound sex?" Her eyes glinted as she bit her lip.

"Uh-huh," Leonard's lip curled slightly, confused.

"See... we haven't seen each other for nearly two years. So, even if we weren't ever _officially _broken up... we were still kinda broken up. And that means we owe each other thirty six hours of just sex."

"Ah." His lips curled into a smile, and then a grin, as he began to understand what she was suggesting. "Thirty six hours, huh?"

"Yup." Running her hands up his chest, she stopped at his shoulders. "Oh. Except for when I have work tomorrow night. So that's like, a four hour break."

"Okay." Leonard chuckled. "I guess that break will come in useful."

"Yeah, probably." Penny agreed, her fingers pressing a little harder into his skin; just _thinking_ of what they were about to do was beginning to excite her.

"Do we factor in food and coffee breaks?"

"Just because we're in the kitchen doesn't mean anything has to stop." Penny bit her bottom lip, slowly grinding herself against him.

"_Oh_. Mm'kay. Sounds good."

"Mmhmm. It does." Penny leaned forward, placing her mouth over his.

Getting lost in the moment, it was only when Penny's tongue entered his mouth that Leonard suddenly stopped and opened his eyes. "Mm, wai-"

"_What_?" Penny pulled back, slightly breathless already.

"I'll need to meet with my boss to tell him I'm not going to be joining them. I'd leave it for _after _the thirty six hours but... I should probably let him know in advance."

"Uh huh. That's fine with me." Penny's lips trailed his jaw.

"Mm. Okay. So what do you think if, tomorrow night, we go back to the hotel instead? If we're splitting the time might as well split the locations."

"Perfect."


	11. Chapter 10: Happy

_**Chapter 10 - Happy: **"You'll make it now." _

Having spoken with his boss and handed in his resignation, and decided on a member of the team to fill his position, Leonard suggested he and Penny make use of the last few days of his paid-for hotel - something she happily agreed to doing. They enjoyed the hotel food and made use of the room service. He would work on his final paper for the team whilst she was at work; due to his extra time now, this arrangement worked well for them both.

Penny handed in her contract stating that she would not be returning. She informed her parents that she would be coming back to Pasadena, and they were more than delighted to hear that she was back together with Leonard, and happy at last. Apologizing for cutting them off, Penny promised that she would visit them as soon as she could when they returned, and they told her to definitely bring Leonard with her.

During their final few days staying at his hotel, they agreed that it was a good idea for him to simply move in with Penny, rather than find somewhere else to stay. Although the idea scared her a little at first, she knew that she _wanted _him to move in with her, and that they had practically been living together anyway. The knowledge that she was going to wake up in his arms, and come home to him waiting for her after work, overpowered that small fear she had by a mile. The fear wasn't of him moving in, it was of things moving quickly - but after almost two years of being stuck in the same place, moving quickly was actually quite refreshing.

As Penny still had three months left, they unpacked all of Leonard's things when he moved in. As he travelled a lot, he would alternate between what he took with him to the hotels and what he kept in storage until he went away on the ship. Now, he would be here for longer, they had all his stuff delivered to him and set up in the apartment.

"This place will never be home, but with you and all your things here, it feels so much closer than it ever was." Penny said, looking around the bedroom.

While it was only a percentage of the things Leonard owned, most of it being still in Pasadena, the things he had taken with him and that now decorated the apartment definitely made an impact on the appearance and feel of the place.

Walking over to her, Leonard placed his hands on her waist and gave her forehead a kiss. "I'm glad to hear it. I haven't really had a home since I left, so this is... this is nice."

"You still had your place in Pasadena."

"I know, but... I separated myself from all of that, it hasn't felt like home for a long time now."

Penny nodded slowly, inching her face closer to his. "I know. I know how that feels." She placed her lips over his tenderly, wrapping her arms around his neck. Pulling back, she gave him a small smile. "But at least we have this now."

"True." Leonard nodded.

For the first couple of weeks, they settled into life together calmly (though this word hardly applied to the nights) and contentedly. When Penny wasn't at work, they would usually stay home and simply relax in each others company, or go around the city exploring and making the most of out of being there.

With Leonard there with her, the city seemed a lot more exciting to Penny. For the first time in a long time, her enthusiasm for life had returned. The spark in her eye was there almost all the time, and for Leonard, that spark was the second most beautiful thing he had ever seen - the first being Penny herself. Her laugh was infectious and her smile would bring out his goofy smile, which only made her smile even more. Leonard finally felt at home, and he finally felt like his old self again. He hadn't noticed it before, but all the displacement and constant work had made him incredibly tired and stressed, and having the time to actually _enjoy _life, and relax, and not be worrying about Penny all the time was a wonderful feeling.

Everybody at work noticed the change in Penny, and she introduced Leonard to all her cast mates and friends, beaming with happiness. He came to see the show again and she took him around the theater, showing him this integral part of her life and allowing him to understand it and how important this job had been to her in moving along when she had realized she was never going to be able to move on. When he had started apologizing, she reminded him that that was no longer the point or the case - she was happier now and the place would make her eternally grateful for stepping outside at the right time and seeing him there, lost, not realizing that things were finally going to change for the better.

After a few weeks, having settled in and come down slowly from the high of emotions that came with their reunion, they agreed that they needed to discuss what was going to happen once Penny finished her run in the play.

"I'll go to see the estate agent next week and tell them I won't renew my lease and get that sorted out." Penny said, throwing a blanket over herself and Leonard and tucking her knees beneath her and to the side.

"You want me to come with you? I'm not doing anything anyway and it'll make it easier, and the visit less boring." Leonard offered, putting an arm around her.

"Hmm, that would be nice." Penny nodded. She nestled her head on his shoulder, so his chin rested gently on top of her head, and sat there for a while, deep in thought. "You still pay rent for 4A, don't you?"

"Yeah. I never really had it in me to give up that place or make Sheldon deal with it no longer being _our _place and him having to sort all my stuff out and find a new roommate."

"Aww. He probably still has a hope that you'll come back. Not that he'll ever admit that."

"Well, I will be coming back, so it's a good thing I _didn't _give up my share of the apartment. I should probably tell him, now I think of it..." Leonard pondered for a moment. "Wonder how he'll take it. He probably misses you being across the hall too, but he _definitely _won't admit that."

Silent for a moment, Penny brought her hand beneath the blanket to play with the hem of his t-shirt. "Or, you know, Sheldon might _not _be so happy about you coming back."

"What? Why not?" Leonard frowned.

"With the apartment... maybe you don't tell him you're coming back to 4A." Penny said slowly, her heart racing as she tried to think of a way to word what she was trying to tell Leonard. "Or that I'm coming back to 4B."

"But... why?"

Sighing, Penny bit her lip. "Maybe you'll have to see how he takes the fact that you're coming back but not to 4A."

"Umm, you just made me effectively homeless."

Giggling at this lightly, Penny tapped his stomach gently. "No, that's not what I mean." Chewing on her bottom lip, she sat up, looking at him for a moment with a concentrated expression on her face. "Alright. You can tell me if you think this idea is stupid, but do you promise not to laugh at me?"

"Why would I laugh at you?"

"Because... alright, I'm just going to say it, okay?" Penny pursed her lips together before taking a deep breath. "I think that we should get a place together."

"I-" Leonard began, but failed to continue, trying to work out if she had just said what he thought she had.

"Here, listen, let me explain." Penny gave a small nod. "I... I love our apartments in Pasadena. Even though we have to climb four flights of stairs. But... I like living with you, Leonard. I know it's only temporary here but it makes me _happy _to have you around all the time. When you were gone I was cooped up in 4B, avoiding 4A because it got to the stage I'd feel _lost _there without you, and... I don't think I can ever call those places home anymore or remove the feelings I started to associate them with. Maybe that's a lot to take in but it's... it's easier to tell you this than make myself go back there and pretend I'm okay with it."

Taking in everything she had just said, Leonard nodded slowly, staring at her. "Okay." He smiled gently at Penny. "We can do that. If that is what you want and need, then of course we can do that. I would love to live with you."

"Really?" Penny blinked rapidly in disbelief.

"Yes. I'm glad that you told me that now rather than put yourself through that. As long as you feel ready to be living _together_-"

"I absolutely do. Seriously. I want us to live together and I want us to find our own place where we can just... where it's just us."

"Of course." Leonard brought a hand up to cup her cheek, stroking her skin lightly with his thumb. Her eyes fluttered closed at his touch. "What do you say we go to Nebraska first? Spend a week or two there, just relax away from both London and Pasadena, before we really go back."

Nodding, Penny kept her eyes shut. "I would like that." She stayed like that for a moment, before opening her eyes again to look at him. "Thank you, Leonard."

"What for?"

"For all of this." She smiled at him; a smile that came from her heart. Pausing, her smile began to falter slightly. "Remember a few weeks ago, when I took you around my work, and I told you that I was happier now?"

"Yes."

Slowly, she lifted her hands up, palms facing him, spreading out her fingers. The cuts and marks had faded over the weeks, but he could still remember seeing them. A lump rose in his throat and his brows instinctively furrowed in worry. Penny shook her head. "Please don't react like that, Leonard. There's nothing there now. I want to show you something."

"Sorry. I just... I just keep remembering how your hands looked. Sorry." He gave a small nod. "Go on."

"The day before you left. That's the last time my hands looked like this because it was the last time I remember feeling happy."

"I-"

"No, I need to explain this. It's important. I can't finish this journey unless I tell you about it. Because I know it bothers you and I want to explain, and it also gives _me _some closure. Okay?" She raised her brows at him, and he nodded. "The first night, I just squeezed my hands for comfort. Like this." She folded her thumbs in, wrapping her fingers over the top and squeezing gently. "It was like... like a stress relief method." Dropping her hands down, she interlocked their fingers. "It worked for a while but I started applying more pressure whenever I felt worse. And then it wasn't enough, so I would take my thumbs out so I could squeeze harder. It wasn't for a long time that I actually started to dig my fingernails into my skin. Not too much at first because I was scared people would know what I was doing. Sometimes I would do it when I was with my therapist. She explained about self-harm but at the time, it didn't feel like it was - it felt good, it was a distraction, so why should I stop? That's when I started covering it up by pretending I was tugging on my sleeves because I was cold." Biting her lip, she looked down at their hands briefly. "I don't think I should tell you when I found out I could make my hands physically bleed or how... how much it took away from whatever I was feeling at the time. Sometimes people would notice and ask but I could just shrug it off. I guess nobody really cared as much as you ever did about me."

"Penny..." Leonard could feel tears stinging at his eyes. But he wasn't going to cry; she was being so strong in telling him this, he didn't want to upset her even more. "I really wish it hadn't gotten to that stage."

"I know." Looking back up at him, her eyes were guilty. "It took me a long time to stop doing it so often. But I couldn't help feeling angry or upset sometimes. I did it when I was stressed, or scared, or nervous too. It just happened. I hated feeling like that so much, Leonard."

"It's okay to feel like that."

"Perhaps, but I really hated it. Anyway... when I saw you outside the theater, I automatically did it. I pulled the sleeves of my jacket over my hands and held them there with my thumbs so my hands weren't visible. Not because I was scared, or angry or upset, I was just nervous and it was my coping mechanism. It made it easier to just go up to you and talk to you. I didn't make them bleed but it left marks. That's why for the first few days I tended to keep my hands where you wouldn't see them, until the marks faded. Then I stopped for a little while until you said you were leaving. I didn't realize I was doing it in the cab but I couldn't stop myself and then..."

Trailing off, she let go of his hands and brought her own back up. "The point is... the point is that I'm finally happy. Not _happier_, but happy. Fully happy." Penny grinned now, placing her hands back together with his. "The fact that you listen to me and accept what I'm telling you, rather than try to question me or figure it out for me - that means a lot to me. What I did to myself... that's something I can put in the past now, but I don't have to keep it a secret from you. If I learned anything, it's that I should tell you things. And telling you this means the end of that journey, for me." She took a deep breath. "Knowing that we get to go back, _together, _and start with a fresh perspective... knowing that the next big step I take is going to be with you, that makes me happy. It makes me really happy." She kissed him softly on the lips. "_You _make me happy."

"I'm glad you're happy." Leonard said, the words coming from his heart without having to think about it. If this was something she needed to tell him to allow herself to move on from it, then he was going to allow her to do that without him interfering. "Your happiness makes me happy." Placing his lips over hers, he kissed her deeply, before pulling away and grinning at her. "Pass my laptop, let's look at apartments in Pasadena."

Penny's eyes lit up, beaming. "Really?"

"Yeah." Leonard chuckled. "Let's find our new home."


	12. Epilogue

_**Epilogue: **"It's time that you won." _

"Leonard!" Penny leaned back out the door, calling for him down the hallway.

"Yeah?" Leonard's voice shouted back.

"I finished the closet, come look!"

Placing the last box set into the shelf beside the television unit, Leonard turned to go past the kitchen, making a left turn to go up the hallway to the very end, where he found Penny leaning against the doorframe with a grin on her face.

It had been Penny's idea to get the three-bedroom apartment. She had told him that they could use the two spare bedrooms: one as a guestroom-slash-office, and the other as a large closet and storage space. He'd told her that they could do without, and she'd responded by telling him that maybe in the future, they would most likely need those rooms and wouldn't have to go through the hassle of finding another place to live. He'd been quite surprised by her answer, but they both knew that she was right. And it was logical - they both wanted to be together, and even though they wouldn't admit it then and there, they both wanted a family someday - so it was easier to just be prepared and make use of the rooms in this way until the time came.

"What do you think?" Penny grabbed his hand, leading him inside.

One wall was covered entirely by a large, white wardrobe unit with white doors. The wall the door was on was lined with shelves, and beneath the window at the end was the small couch from Penny's old apartment. Opposite the window was a large full-length mirror. The shelves were filled with mostly her shoes, but also his, along with bags, purses, hats, accessories, and any item of clothing Penny had deemed unworthy to be hung up. It wasn't entirely full, but it looked very neat and presentable. The free spaces were used for the storage of items in plastic boxes. Opening all the wardrobe doors, she spread her arms out.

"Ta-dah! That part there is all yours." Penny gestured to the middle section of the wardrobe, which was probably about a quarter of the entire thing. "Your shirts, pants, jackets, hoodies, costumes, all that kinda stuff. The doors on either side are all my things."

"I don't think I've ever seen such a well organized closet. Especially one that contains _your _clothes. And you have a _lot _of clothes... I never realized how much there was."

"Well, you know, I bought loads when I was out in London because I could only take one suitcase with me from Pasadena, and I didn't want to bother anyone with sending over my stuff. So I just have double what I used to." Penny pointed out with a shrug. "Not complaining." Taking his hand again, she began leading him out of the designated closet room, crossing to the room directly opposite - which was their bedroom. "Now, all our underwear and your t-shirts and our pajamas and stuff, they're in that chest of drawers the television is on top of."

"That's sensible."

"Yeah, I thought it was." Penny giggled. "Now, I have some good news."

"Okay?" Leonard raised his brows at her change in subject.

"While I was hanging up your blue shirt - which, by the way, I still think should count as mine, but whatever - anyway, I got a call." Penny bit her lip. "A few days ago when you went to Caltech to talk to the President of the university, I went on an audition for this _national commercial._ And I got it!" She squealed as she jumped up and down slightly, gripping his arms.

"Oh my God! That is amazing!" Leonard grinned, pulling her in for a hug. "I'm so proud of you! But how come you didn't tell me about it?"

"Thank you." Penny smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I didn't tell you because... the last audition I did was for the play in London. And I had a really strong motivation then but it was complicated. This time, my motivation was _you _- the fact that you made me happy, and from day one believed in me, and saw me in the play, and did everything you could to make me happy again. So I guess... knowing all of that gave me the belief in myself that I could do this. And I did it! I'm going to be in this big-ass national commercial!"

"Well, you most certainly deserve this big-ass national commercial." Leonard chuckled. "I am _so _proud of you, Penny." Holding her hips, he gave her a passionate yet delicate kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." Penny bit her lip. "_Oh_, and by the by, they told me they'd like me to wear my scientist glasses in it, like I did in the audition. I think you'll agree buying that giant television for the front room was a good decision after all." She wiggled her eyebrows. "And one more thing. The college accepted my application and I am going to be a full-time student working toward my Psychology degree."

* * *

**A/N - And that's that :) This was the story I wanted to tell, and I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed it! I'm quite overwhelmed by how much you liked this story, and I know some of you have been saying you want to know what happens in Nebraska, and then back in Pasadena etc. I hadn't planned on doing that but perhaps I'll do a sequel… so we'll see. This was never going to be longer than this. But I do have ideas for 'the future' of this story. So for now… thank you so much, I'm glad you all took to this so well and felt so drawn into the story, and a huge thanks for the ****feedback. It's so nice reading your reviews because stories like these aren't easy to write! Ta! (For now…) **


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